Home for Winter

chapter 06

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chapter 06
Dear Moon,

Everett

How do you live an empty life? A life that seems to be purposeless, withering and nonsensical?

Her question made me wonder, too. Because deep inside, I know I feel the same.

Do we live for our goal? Para sa kaniya, ang paghihiganti, para sa akin, ang kasikatan. But if we live for it, what do we do after achieving it? Reach another one? A more impossible one?

Is that how we should live our life? Constantly chasing a dream, achieve it, and then dream again? Dahil kung gano'n, bakit wala na kong lakas na mangarap pa ng mas mataas?

How do I even arrive here? To this phase where the passion that I consider is the reason why I'm living doesn't seem to give me life anymore?

Inilingan ko ang mga tanong. Dito na naman napunta ang iniisip ko. I glance at the daunting blank page again. Pagkatapos ng tatlong pahina, hindi ko na naman alam ang isusulat.

Crap.

The Great Everett has fallen. Is that it?

Dati pagbukas ko pa lang ng laptop ko, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang unang ititipa sa dami ng gusto kong sabihin. Ngayon, ni hindi ko alam kung saan pupulutin ang isusulat.

Reaching the quota that I have for this manuscript feels like an impossible task. And writing about this trendy genre is draining. Ni wala akong alam na isulat o kung paano simulan.

From the big window, I shift my eyes to Olivia. She's raising the finish sweater that she weaved. "Natapos mo na?"

She raises it to show me. At nang ibaba niya, naabutan ko ang ngiti. For a moment, the empty façade seems to disappear with the glint of warmth in her smile.

I suddenly remember how she whispers her complains, sucking her teeth while creating it, but even with her annoyance, she continued.

"Maganda ba?" Tinanggal niya ang suot na sweater at pinalit doon.

In warm yellow, the sweater's like the misty empty dawn in its color. It compliments her fair skin.

"Maganda. Bagay mo."

Sighing, the warmth fade away as she stares at her creation. Napalitan ng lungkot ang tingin niya. Hanggang sa mawala.

"Okay ka lang?"

"Tuwang tuwa siguro si Mama kung makikita 'to..."

Bumuntong ulit siya bago tumayo at sinama ang ginawang sweater sa rack kahalo ng iba. It blends among the rest.

The sweater doesn't only compliment her skin, but it seems to reflect her soul, too.

That's what I realize after observing the same colors of her creations.

Naputol ang katahimikan namin nang tumunog ang wind chime. A woman enters. Behind her are two kids and an old woman.

"Sabi ko sa inyo nakabukas. Pasok na, pasok. 'Nay, malamig, dito ka na sa loob."

"Ano po 'yon?" tanong ni Olivia na siya ng lumapit sa kanila.

"Nakabukas naman itong café niyo 'di ba, Miss?"

The lady's probably in her mid-thirties. Kulot ang hanggang balikat na buhok at magulo ang pagkakatali sa likod. Behind a her glass is a tired face, round eyes that seems to be pleading as she speaks.