All By Design: A Nikolai Lantsov Series

Chapter Ten: how'd you turn it back around?

this chapter's song: labyrinth

You wake, and for the first time in a very long time, everything is alright. There are no hounds baying at your door, no bullies screaming for you to give in and become some treacherous person that everyone will finally have permission to hate. All there is left to do is live, breathe, and cleanse yourself of every scrap of hatred that had once taken root in your heart.

The reason for the bright feeling between your ribs, the lifting of an unbearable weight from your shoulders, happens to come in the form of one golden young man. Nobody knows that he has tied himself to you again, not right now. At some point, you'll have to let the public know that their favorite toxic couple has finally laid down their weapons and decided to stop the war. You're living in the fragile peace of no one knowing quite yet, though, and that's enough to let your stress ease away for the time being.

The sunlight is warm, filtering into your apartment in delicate swathes of white. You clean up your space and take stock of your fragile heart. You do your best to mend what you can and remove the worst parts with heavy metal shears. Your hopes are pinned up high, kept in place with barrettes and bandaids from a girl who used to be you. You're getting back to her, you think. You're getting back to who you want to be.

Nikolai is part of that, but not all of it. Yes, he made you realize that you don't have to be the divisive personality that the world seems to see you as, and him coming back to you was a blessing like nothing you've ever experienced before, but you've been doing some of the heavy lifting yourself, too. You did your revenge album, but it's good from here on out. Catharsis is quiet, it always has been. The loud sounds and dark lipstick never last forever.

Even if everybody just expects you to bounce back after every heartbreak and setback and wrong turn, it hasn't always been easy for you. For once, though, you're making your peace. Instead of planting seeds of conflict and treason, your gardens are blooming over with the sweet blossoms of contentment. You are doing fine. That is the best revenge of all.

A knock at your door makes you smile. Nikolai reclaimed his key with all the delight of a school child on Christmas morning, but he still waits for you to let him in every time. Part of him still believes that you haven't quite forgiven him, that at some point you'll grow tired of the charade and stop letting him come around. You want to tell him that your ruses are up, and so you do. You don't think he'll ever tire of hearing it.

Nikolai's grin is bright when you open the door. "Lovely to see you," he beams.

You laugh as he sweeps inside. "It's a little early for that much charm."

"Nonsense," Nikolai says, reaching for a vase from one of your cabinets so he can place some freshly brought flowers inside, "Charm has no limitation for early mornings. If anything, it should just make it even more exciting."

You walk over to examine the bouquet. "Is there a reason you're plying me with bribes such as these?"

Nikolai pretends to pout. "I can't just give flowers to the girl I love? Can't I be happy that I recently got you back and leave it at that?"

At your raised eyebrow, he sighs. "Alright, maybe there's a motive."

"Isn't there always?" You comment with a wry smile.

Nikolai gives you a look. "Your confidence in me is overwhelming. It's not a bad favor to ask, all things considered. I was just wondering if you'd like to attend a premiere for my new film in two weeks' time."

"We'd go together?" You ask.

The rest of the question goes unanswered. The two of you have been flying under the radar ever since that night at the charity gala when you finally confessed again. It's been wonderful, but the hiding has admittedly been hard. If you show up with Nikolai to his premiere, the paparazzi will capture the final proof that you've gotten back together in all the glory of a thousand different camera angles and far too much flash photography.