Pattern Breaker

Denial in a Remote Location

Team 1-4-1 was soon to be complete again with Ghost's return. The gaping hole of his absence was wider than anyone could have imagined. It didn't feel right, going on missions without him. Knowing that he was stuck recovering, even after his release from the infirmary. He was the backbone for all of them, stable yet intense. With his presence brought a strange sense of comfort even in the most stressful of situations. He was the best man for the job, no matter what it may be, and you could always count on him to back you up and find the quickest and most logical solution to whatever the problem may be.

Soap had been a personal witness to the shift in the Lieutenant from when they first met. Ghost had gone from being solely mission focused, unconcerned with casualties and laser-sighted on their target and their target only. But he was different now. He was still deadly, terrifying. He would still do what he needed to do to come out on top. But there was a softness to him now. It was subtle, a change no one would notice unless you were looking for it. He had allowed his guard down with his team, just ever so slightly, and the obvious care and affection he felt towards them was undeniable. There was no power struggle between any of them, either. Ideas would be bounced off each other, every word genuinely considered with thoughtful recourse until the correct plan of action was settled on.

It humanized Ghost.

And made Soap's determination to pull himself further and further away from the Lieutenant even stronger. It would make it easier when the day he resigned from the 1-4-1 approached. He wasn't sure when that day was, not exactly. It could be next week, or another year from now. Soap had made a promise to Price that he would stay until the remnants of Hassan's involvement with the Mexican Cartel were settled.

Price wasn't happy, and knew Soap's excuse of "It's too much for me, Captain, I miss my old squad and want to consider full retirement, I've paid my dues" was bullshit. A bold faced lie. But he didn't protest. Just a tightening of his lips in disagreement, a curt nod, and thanks for everything Soap had done for them thus far. An open invitation to return if he ever changed his mind.

If he could go back in time, he'd have turned down the offer in the first place. If he had known what he knew now. It wasn't the multiple incessant near death experiences, or the nightmares that spurred as a result, or the countless missions to date that had left him slumped in his seat on an aircraft fighting sleep.

It was Ghost. It was always Ghost. It would always be Ghost.

While he missed him with such intense conviction while he was on leave, empty and left feeling naked without his watchful eye, he still had a sense of relief that he wasn't around to break the sentence Soap had placed upon himself.

Because without him around, Soap didn't have to worry about the accidental-on-purpose brush of their arms against each other. Or the warmth radiating off of his large stature. The rumble of his voice, piercing straight into the most sensitive parts of Soap's body with every word no matter what it would be. He wouldn't have to worry about his resolve crumbling over his scorching stare, made even worse now by Soap's obvious avoidance of him.

He couldn't tell what the stare meant. The quick glances Soap would cast over to Ghost weren't long enough to dissect. But he could feel it on him at all times, even when he couldn't see Ghost. Was he mad? Angry for Soap's plea months ago? Pissed because Soap's actions in a desperate attempt to get Ghost back on his feet were a large reason why he had, albeit temporarily, died in his arms? Getting killed by an enemy was one thing, but it was completely different when it was someone you were supposed to rely on.

Was it childish, the avoidance? Or was it an appropriate boundary set? Soap had spent a long time considering both of those things. He would always be the first to tell someone that their emotions were their emotions alone , and no one had any right to make them feel guilty or wrong about them. There was no obligation to try to justify them. Soap felt as long as he picked apart his feelings himself, considering every angle or ulterior motive– he himself would feel justified in his choices and with no need to worry about the consequences.