False God

Chapter seven

Author's Note: I think you can tell that I don't follow the order of facts in real life here. So don't be surprised by the changed order of things.

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Max pov

Monaco, January, 2022

-Why did you do that Max? -Jenna ask me.

-I don't know... I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. -I answer by looking at the window. I always liked the view from Jenna's consulting room.

-Do you still think so? -Jenna asks.

- I think so.

-You still speak with many doubts. -Jenna says

-Sometimes I wonder if it would be worth it, but it would only hurt more, and the end result would be the same as now. Or worse. -I say, it's the truth

-You avoid things so as not to get hurt, but you get hurt anyway. Do you think it's worth it? -Jenna asks, but I don't know what to answer.

-I know it would be bad, I know it would be. -That's all I can say.

-Do you really think so or is it just a consolation?

I don't say anything, but I feel like I can start crying at any moment. Jenna knows that I won't say anything, so she continues.

You' re so afraid of breakups that you suffer in advance for something you don't even know will happen and forget to enjoy the now. Even if things end, we should focus on making them good while they last. You can think like at the end of a season for example, you told me that you love racing, but you love vacation, going home and resting. One cycle has ended, which is the season, but that's okay because another one will begin, which is your vacation, until it's over and a new season begins. Our life is always going to be made of cycles, some end before others, if the good ones end it's okay, they will see other good ones too, and if they are bad, they will end at some point. Trying to anticipate what may or may not happen will not make it hurt less.

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Max pov

Abu Dhabi 2022

It is wednesday, the punishment came out earlier today. To say that I was asleep at the time of the news would be an understatement, when Lando, Charles and Daniel went back to their hotels to sleep, I stayed awake. I knew they would announce it, and I knew that with the announcement would come more criticism and cursing, especially since the championship would not be taken from me, Christian told me as soon as I arrived yesterday that they would not do that. But maybe if they gave the 2021 championship to Lewis it would be better, maybe then people would stop all the hate. Maybe I would be lighter.

Walking around the paddock the cameras are on me more than usual, everybody wants to see my reaction, maybe they expect me to act crazy and curse everybody, or maybe they expect me to cry and say how unfair it is. But all I do is go through them like every race week. When I get to the box I can relax a little more because I am surrounded by people I like to be around, Seb is here today, Redbull is doing some tributes for him, and now we are also changing helmets. I am terrible with words so I'm more restrained, but Seb writes more, "Impressive to see you come up and go past. Well done and best wishes. Always think for yourself and keep growing. Enjoy!", it gets me a little, but I don't let it show, there are other people here, so I just thank him, hug him and we take some pictures, when people leave, I finally get to say everything I want to.