False God

Chapter twenty-one

Author's notes:

We'll have the return of the thing that I love to read but hate to write about: sex.

This chapter will only have Max's point of view, I love Lewis, but this story has always been about Max and his messed up little head.

I have reviewed this chapter, but I may have missed something, so, please excuse me if there is something wrong.

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Max POV

January is almost over, which means back to intense training for the new season that's coming. After everything that happened last year, it's very probable that I will be in the title battle again and this is encouraging, not only for me, but also for my father, who calls me every day countless times, but which I never answer, but which I also never block.

Somehow, the fact that he's my father still screams at me, blocking him now would be like the last step to kick him out of my life, because I won't go back on my decision to keep him away from racing, but to take away any kind of contact with someone who has been present in my life even before I can remember is too radical, and not just anyone, it's my father, even with all the flaws and the drama that he carries, I still can't completely exclude him from my life as a simple file.

Going back to therapy regularly helps me keep my sanity about my father, my career, and Lewis. I may never heal from my father, but I know I can move on because that's what I'm doing, my career, surprisingly, seems to be the most stable thing in my life right now, and Lewis, well, Lewis seems to be the only thing I can't control at the moment. Many things have happened since the last time we met in person, now there are many doubts in my mind, many "what ifs" make me spend my nights staring at the white ceiling of my room.

Lewis and I talk sometimes, no more calls, only messages, it's always something trivial, but it warms my heart whenever a notification comes arrives, and I see his name on my cell phone screen. We never talk about racing because it brings out a side of both of us that I don't want to see and I know he doesn't want to see either, but every time I see news about Mercedes "comeback" I feel my body tremble with fear of experiencing 2021 again.

And that's what makes me ignore a message from Lewis saying he's in Monaco, he doesn't ask me to meet him, it's just an informative and innocent message, or becomes one, since I don't answer him. Instead, I go out with Charles and Joris trying not to feel like a third wheel and failing miserably, they are at the stage of dating where everything is beautiful and romantic, even if it has to be discreet, because the world needs to think that we are just three friends going out to watch a tennis match, not a couple falling in love and a stranded single guy who is just here to "cover up".

The mild sun with the milder temperature, a result of winter in the Mediterranean, is nice and makes me forget for a while that I'm watching a boring game of a sport I don't like, I'm glad that my dark glasses disguise that I'm definitely not watching the game, instead, I just look at the people and judge them by their stupidly oversized and exaggerated hats. Until, amidst all the white people shining in the light and making my eyes hurt, I see Lewis coming in majestically and making people stop looking at the game and look at him, I don't blame the people, he looks like a Greek God bathed in golden sunlight that highlights his brown skin and charms everyone.

I feel my heartbeat accompany the beats of the rackets on the ball, fast and exaggeratedly strong. The seat he's sitting in faces mine, far enough away that I can't see if he's smiling, much as I like to imagine he's. The game, which was already long, seems to take even longer, I look at Charles and he doesn't even realize that Lewis is here, he's too focused on the game (and Joris) to notice, I don't judge him because only now I realize that Toto and George are here too. My thoughts are interrupted when I see him looking at his cell phone and shortly after I feel my cell phone vibrate in my pocket.