False God

Chapter eighteen - 2021

Author's note: This chapter had to be split into two parts, this chapter alone is already quite long, if I didn't split it would be twice as long as this one, so yes, I said it would be only one, but I'm not very good at keeping things I say. Sorry for any mistakes, I hope you enjoy it.

Bahrain

2021

Max POV

The smell of burning rubber rises up my nose and brings me comfort, I remember hating this smell when I was a kid, but as I got older, I began to understand that to smell this meant to be out of the house, and being out of the house means less screaming and pain, so I came to like the smell. Even today in Formula 1 this smell is very welcome, because being at home, even living alone, still means pain, but of a different kind, psychological, strong enough to make me want the old pain, the kind that makes me look for the old pain, even if now in a different way. The noise of the cars on the track goes through my ears and makes it hurt, but it's good to muffle all the buzzing that stays in my mind, every hour, every day.

Another season finally starts, just like last year we have Mercedes and Red Bull as the best cars, but the big difference is that this year we're at the same level, we will fight every race, and this time my fight will not be against Valtteri for the second place in the championship, my fight will be for the highest place on the podium, my fight will be against Lewis for the 2021 championship. Lewis who during pre-season testing did not look at me once, a glaring difference when compared to last year, not that I expected anything different, but between knowing on vacation that our relationship would only be strictly professional and the realization that he would only look at me when obliged is something quite different.

Much more than in other years my father is present, the real chance of competing for the championship has made him double the demands, even before the season starts. I always liked to participate actively in the development of the car, I never liked the idea of other drivers doing what I was supposed to do, if I want the car to be perfect for my driving style I should work on it. But for my father, that is doing the minimum, so I doubled my simulator hours, I trained on every track so many times that I feel I can do every corner with my eyes closed, my physical training was more intense than ever, and I watched several Lewis races until my eyes burned, I watched every time he overtook and was overtaken, his corner braking, his starts, I had to memorize every weakness and strength of his driving style, all this until my father said it was enough, he never did, so I still keep doing all these things.

I have my first pole of the season, and when I get out of my car a good feeling spreads through my body, but it's like a breath that ends quickly, Lewis gets out of his car and greets me quickly, there are no words, he doesn't even look me in the eye, it's just a diplomatic pat. Picture time is the worst, he puts his hand on my waist so lightly I can barely feel it, and as fast as the camera flash he leaves. Watching him leave, my eyes quickly dart away and I find my father looking at me, like a bloodhound ready to pounce at any step out of line that I take.

When the red lights go out everything that ails me stays quiet, I only need to do one thing: win. But that's not what happens and the bitter taste of defeat stays in my mouth, even after taking an undercut the victory was in my hands, but I made a mistake, as a rookie, as someone who hasn't spent hours and more hours training, I made a mistake like an idiot, moreover the FIA's decision was clearly wrong, but this could be avoided if I drove decently. On the podium I feel so stupid that I can't look at my team without feeling like disappearing, my father is among them and his angry look tells me everything I need to know, I almost wish I could stand on the track smelling burning rubber, a voice in my head tells me that this is just the beginning and I know it's true, everything about Lewis is small in my mind now and the memory of the burning on my skin and the purple marks start to appear, and worst of all, the screams, I know it's only a matter of hours before these memories become real again.