Me, four Boys and one playstation (an The Fooo Fanfiction)

68. Decisions - Ann

Life changes. All the time. Everyone knows that. Change is like giving birth. There are different ways a life can change. It either goes slow and painful, or it goes faster than the blink of an eye. Like when I met Oscar. I met Oscar and I fell in love with him as soon as I did. 

The first time my life changed then. The second time when mom died, and now my life was about to change again. Of course my life had changed a lot in my now 17 years old life. But there where these three huge changes in the past two years.

***

It felt like the pain would never stop. Ever. When I finally passed out, I knew it was over. Suddenly the pain stopped and I found myself not in the hospital, but on some kind of island. Or maybe it was death? Or paradise? Maybe both? I had no idea. All I knew was I didn't want to leave this place. Didn't want to go back to my life that was about to change forever. Again. Didn't want to face the life I did not feel ready to live.

This place was warm and cozy. There was a warm breeze, soft sand under my naked feet, and an ocean right in front of me. Just like it was natural, Oscar was sitting next to me. Looking at the sea, as endless as the love I felt for him. "Am I dead?" I asked not looking at him but looking at the sea like he did.

"What do you think?" was his answer.

"I don't really know what I think..."

"Well how do you feel?"

"I feel alive."

"So?"

"Maybe I am dead!" Now I looked at him. The sun was shining at his hair and made it look golden. He looked younger. Almost like when I first met him. Only now he was wearing a white shirt and jeans. Like me.

"What do you think?" he asked again.

"Can't you tell me?"

"Well, all I can say is that you are not dead yet."

"What does that mean?"

"It means you have to decide."

"Decide what? Common! You've got to tell me something!"

"Decide whether you want to live or die..."

"What is there to expect either way?"

"I can not tell you what is waiting in death because I don't know..."

"Then what is with life?"

"Well... there is me... and there are our beautiful twin babies... and your sisters, your friends... it won't be easy..."

"So the easier way would be choosing death?"

"If you say so..."

We remained in silence for a while. Facing the ocean.

"Why can't you just tell me what to do?"

"Because I am not real. I am only a product from your mind. Which means I only know what you know and it is for you to decide what to do."

Silence again.

"I think I want to live..." I said after a while.

"Are you sure? Because as I said... it won't be easy..."

"I don't know" I said again.

"Then we'll wait."

"Wait for what?"

"For you to decide whether you want to live or die..."

I leaned my head on his shoulder ready to wait.