Let Me Help You

Don't leave me

It was nearing dinner time and Stevie was busy in the kitchen, when the phone started ringing. She went to wash her hands, but Lindsey was quicker to pick up.

"Oh hey, Lis."

Stevie stilled, was she supposed to leave him alone or could she pretend she wasn't going to listen? She decided to stay and Lindsey didn't ask her to give him privacy either.

"How are you, Lindsey? It's been five weeks since I've left and we haven't spoken yet."

"I'm alright and I know, I'm sorry. I've been quite busy, finally having Stevie to agree to give her music another try."

"That's wonderful! And how is she dealing with all the changes?"

"I would say she's just fine." He smiled at Stevie, who was leaning against the counter, with her arms crossed, now definitely listening, since she knew the conversation was about her. "And what about you? How's the new job?"

"I hate to say it, but I've never been happier! I've done several photoshoots already."

"I'm happy for you, Lisa. Maybe you needed to change your surroundings, to do something completely different and some place else."

"I think you're right."

They fell silent and Lindsey knew he had to get the words out somehow. Lisa sounded so excited, he didn't want to upset her, but on the other hand, she didn't seem to be missing him too much. "Listen, Lis..."

"Yeah?"

"There's something I have to tell you."

"I think I know where this is going..."

"I'm sorry, truly. I screwed up badly. Just..."

"You love her, Lindsey. You don't love me."

"I know I should have listened to my heart and break it off before you were gone, but Stevie told me not to. She thinks you're the best thing that's happened to me and I... God... But you left and things changed. Stevie wanted me as a friend, but we both admitted to each other that we have strong feelings and she came to me and... I couldn't say no, Lisa. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. I knew this was inevitable."

"If it somehow makes it easier, I promise you that I haven't cheated on you, nothing happened between Stevie and I. I know I should have called you myself and told you, but I'm a fucking coward."

"Lindsey, you don't have to keep saying you're sorry. I doubt you and I would have had our happy ending anyway, don't you? We're better friends than anything. I want you to be happy and she makes you happy. Don't you think I caught how you couldn't tear your eyes away from her? The second I saw the two of you in the same room, I knew this was going to happen."

"You don't hate me?"

"No. And I expect to get an invitation to your wedding!"

"Wow..." Lindsey laughed awkwardly. "We'll see about that one, not that you wouldn't be invited, just that I can't be sure it's going to happen in the first place."

"It will, sooner or later."

"Thank you for being so understanding."

"Take care, Lindsey."

Stevie smiled sympathetically, as Lindsey was seemingly upset, despite how good the conversation went. After all, he did end a relationship that lasted for over a year. She approached him and took his hands in hers, clasping them around herself.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes and no. Lisa is amazing, I hate to have done that to her, but then I can finally be with you."

"It sounds surreal."

"I hope you still want me?"

"Of course I do, silly." She cradled his face in her hands and pressed their lips together. "I love you."

Lindsey smiled, tightening his grip around her. "I will never get tired of hearing that."

"I love you so much." Stevie repeated, giving him another kiss that Lindsey deepened, holding the back of her head, as his other hand wandered over her hips. She didn't let things intensify, breaking them apart. "I was making dinner, you horny man."

Lindsey sighed, letting her go. He didn't lie, telling Lisa he and Stevie hadn't slept together, but it wasn't just because he didn't want to hurt her. This was as far as Stevie would let him get, then suddenly making up an excuse. He knew why she was doing it, she still wasn't over her last couple of years of sexual abuse, but it was getting harder and harder for Lindsey not to get upset. He thought that it would be easier if she didn't let him touch her at all, than excite him and then eventually put a stop to it.

After dinner, Stevie finished washing the dishes, then went to Lindsey, who was in the living room, watching or rather pretending to, some movie that was on TV. She came up to him from behind, circling her arms around his neck and bending down to kiss him on the cheek.

"What are you watching?" He simply shrugged. "I'm sorry." Stevie said, walking around the couch to take a seat.

"What have you got to be sorry about?"

"That I can't have sex with you."

"Where did you get that idea from? That I'm mad at you because of it?"

"Maybe you're not, but you're not happy. And I know you, Lindsey. Don't you think I hate it too? Linds, I love you with all my heart and being intimate with you like that is the most wonderful feeling I've ever experienced. I need some time and I'm sorry for that. I want to be able to have your hands on my body, your lips kissing me and I want to enjoy it, I don't want to be lying there all tense, because I'm afraid you'll hurt me."

"Stevie, I would never do that."

"I know, but... I can't even remember what making love feels like. I was simply being used by whoever desired to get their hands on me for their own selfishness. And I am afraid, Lindsey, even though you've never ever done anything of that sort."

"I want to love you, Stevie. I want to show you, to remind you how it feels. I don't want to do it to get off, I want to make you feel sexy, desired, beautiful and most of all loved."

"Not tonight, Lindsey..." She said, looking away.

"I want to help you forget that hell you've went through and I'll do everything in my power to. I hate seeing you fall back in those memories from time to time, because guess what, I know you too, baby."

"You do." Stevie nodded, cuddling up to his side.

"Can I ask?"

"Go ahead."

"What is it that you're scared of? Like you said it yourself, I've never hurt you."

She had to take a moment to think, to try and put her feelings into words. "Actual pain. I fear that once I let you that close, you'll pin my hands above me, get me naked and won't care if I'm ready for you, that if I ask you to stop, you won't listen, you'll cover my mouth with your hand or stuck something in it, to keep me from screaming and force yourself inside of me. It had happened too many times..." She let silent tears roll down her face, soaking into his shirt. "You can't really say no there. All those men do whatever the hell they want with you. For an hour or so, you belong to them."

"Don't you think that it would be helpful to talk to someone?"

"I have you."

"I mean a professional."

"I'm not seeing a shrink, Lindsey. I'll just end up hooked on something."

"Tell me then, what else is there that I can do for you?"

"Nothing, really. I'll get there. Just don't leave me."

"You don't have to worry about it, Steph. I'm forever yours."

She pecked him on the lips, before resting her head on his chest again.