Rants, insults and jokes! (And some quotes)(funny insults and comebacks)

Comebacks and insults

These are by far my favorites I present to you comebacks and insults by/from famous people:)

He's has never been known to use words that might send a read to the dictionary
-William Faulkner about Hemingway

Does he really think emotions come from big words
- Ernest Hemingway about William Faulkner

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but it wasn't
-Groucho Marx

She's the sort of woman that lives for others-- you can tell by the others by their haunted expression
-C.S. Lewis

His mother should have thrown him away and just kept the stork
-Mae west

The woman speaks 8 languages and can't say no in any of them

I could never learn how to like her except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight
- Mark Twain

In enclosing two tickets to my first show bring a friend, if you have one.
-George Bernard shaw to Winston Churchill

Cannot possibly attend the first one I will go to the second show, if there is one
- Winston Churchill to George Bernard shaw

He has delusions of adequacy
- Walter Kerr

There is nothing that reincarnation won't cure
- Jack E. Leonard

He's has no enemies but he is intensely disliked by his friends
- Oscar Wilde

I've Learned about his illness
Let's hope it's nothing trival
- Irvin S. Cobb

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of which I admire
- Winston Churchill

Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses
- Elizabeth Taylor

I didn't attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it
- Mark twain

He uses statistics as a drunk man uses a lamp post, for support rather than light
- Andrew Lang

He has Van Gogh's ear for music
- Billy walker

Lady Astor: if I was you're wife I would poison you're coffee
Winston Churchill: if I was you're husband I would drink it.