Only for me | Draco Malfoy

11.

Ryder had been staring at me like a lion would at a gazelle all night. He followed my every move with his gaze, as if he was simply waiting for me to break away from the group. Or, in this case, Elijah.

I initially supported Elijah because I knew it was making Ryder angry. But now I'm worried that Ryder will say something to me as soon as I leave. I wasn't interested in what he had to say. I'd be happy if I never had to look at him again.

I was surprised that no one had mentioned Ryder's intense stare at me. It felt like a dead giveaway to me that something was wrong. I'm not sure if no one noticed, or if they simply didn't care.

I tried to remember what I did when we all drank together. It's usually the only time I don't second-guess myself. Not tonight, however. I tried my hardest not to give anyone any hints by acting normally. When someone offered me alcohol, I drank; when someone offered me a joint, I smoked. What else did I do on a regular basis? I felt like an alien attempting to pass for human.

Elijah had become increasingly touchy, always trying to find a way to touch me, as if he wanted to stake his claim in front of the other guys. Initially, it was just his hand on my back, followed by his arm around my shoulder. The alcohol I had consumed had made it more bearable. I barely flinched when he eventually drew me into his lap while we were all seated around the table. I was certain that I didn't flinch. My body and face seemed determined not to show any emotion.

I thought I was doing a good job of pretending to be myself. The previous me. Before Ryder me.

Kaitlin and Sarah's sidelong glances indicated that I wasn't doing as well as I thought. Draco's eyes narrowed as he looked at me. Finn seemed to look at me when he expected me to do something, such as when a certain song played or my cup was empty. Jacob and Harry didn't seem to notice, which was reassuring. At the very least, I wasn't completely revealing myself.

Regardless, it was emotionally draining.

So I did something I never thought I'd want to do while drinking. I leant over Elijah's shoulder and pretended to sleep.

It wasn't difficult; I was a adequate actor by this point. At least, I'd like to think so. I pretended to be pleased. I pretended to enjoy the company of the majority of the people here. I pretended I wasn't drowning in my own thoughts. And no one ever thought the opposite.

"Is she sleeping?" Draco's voice questioned.

For the previous five minutes, I had been slowing my breathing and concentrating on maintaining a rhythm. My dark-tinted sunglasses, which I had refused to remove all day, were still perched on my face. I slowly opened my eyes, confident that the darkness of the night and the dark glass would completely conceal them.

The rest of the group had scattered across the yard. Kaitlin and Louis were in the hot tub, and Ryder, Jacob, and Sarah were gathered around the fire pit, leaving Finn and Draco alone at the glass patio table. They were both staring at me. Finn's gaze was drawn to Elijah's hands, which were completely wrapped around my torso, supporting my weight and preventing me from falling. Draco was staring at my face with the same observant expression he'd had all morning.

"She's out cold, yeah." Elijah responded while gently stroking up and down my arm.

"Good. She seemed tired earlier." Draco replied as he leant back in his chair.

"Are you guys a thing?" Finn questioned, his jaw clenched even in the dim light.

Elijah paused for a moment.

"We're just hanging out." Both of the other two nodded.

There was silence while Finn lit a cigarette and offered one to Draco, who responded by shaking his head.