Only for me | Draco Malfoy

19.

My father hadn't even blinked when I came down the stairs today in a far from modest outfit. I used to wonder if he really saw me.

In the literal sense, he clearly saw me. Though I had wondered many times in my brief life what it would be like to be invisible, I knew I was the furthest thing from it. I was born to be seen, born to be noticed.

But, apart from the polished flesh on my body, did anyone see me? I've been wondering about everyone lately.

As he did most mornings, he drove me to school. And, as he did most mornings, he was going on about his day at work, without bothering to ask me a single question. He didn't ask where I was the night before, why I slept on his couch again, or why my eyes were glazed over and my head kept falling to the side.

I was going over my text messages. My phone was back to normal after I unblocked everyone Ryder had blocked. Harry and Jacob, on the other hand, never took my nonexistent responses as a cue to leave me alone. Kaitlin and Sarah felt the need to keep me up to date on all of the school gossip.

When I noticed I had a text from Draco, my stomach lurched slightly with an unfamiliar sensation. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it felt a little like intrigue to me. It was far away and faint. Like a single drop of water in the ocean, small enough to be missed but causing a ripple nonetheless.

Draco had sent me a link to a Spotify playlist almost two in the morning. I clicked the link and discovered a collection of songs with lovely names titled simply Angel.

I pressed play on the first song, slipping the buds of my headphones into my ears and wondering if Draco realised he had sent me a mixtape in the digital age.

I had noticed a theme in the music Draco had sent me by the time my father had dropped me off at school and gestured farewell with a simple flick of his fingers and the mouthing of the word bye so he didn't interrupt his phone call. They were all sad male voices taking in every detail about a lovely girl.

I wondered if they were real, and not just poetry written for the sake of making money. It was a strange concept to me, a man noticing the way a woman's eyes sparkled rather than just the way her tits looked.

School was a lot easier today, thanks to my sidekick Ativan. It made me feel like a wealthy citizen looking down from my glass-walled penthouse at the chaos of a nightmarish future. I could see the risk. I was aware of the danger. But I didn't mind.

"You seem to be in better shape today, Angeline." Finn was sitting besides me again when I looked over.

Did he sit besides me in all of my classes?

"I'm feeling great today." I gave him a friendly smile.

I had barely taken in his returning smile when I noticed Draco sitting besides him. Draco was not as cheerful as Finn. Draco was staring at me in that way he always does, as if he knew I was lying.

"Draco." I smiled at him, and even though he appeared lighter than the night before, his eyes were still searching my face.

They did it every time. It felt like a frozen moment in time. Draco was looking for everything I wasn't telling him, and I was hoping like hell he didn't notice I was high out of my mind. Again.

I tried to put as much distance between myself and Draco as possible as soon as the bell rang. I didn't want him to be disappointed again. I didn't want him to lecture me. Why can't I take these pills if they make me feel like a human again?

I didn't get very far before colliding with a crowd of students leaving their classes. I could try to weave my way through them, but even in my current mental state, the thought of all those bodies so close to mine was claustrophobic.