2 YEARS LATER
THE BEST THING about living alone is that no one's there to criticize you or make you feel even more inclined to hurt yourself. You're able to do what you want, whenever you want.
Or, actually, no.
The best part is that everyone's a stranger to me, so I don't need to "connect" with anyone. Not that I have to anyways. It's just that they're not checking up on me or whatever.
That's why I'm furious when I see a familiar face in the hallway. "Oh my god." I tug on Chip's leash almost as soon as I unlock my eyes with the back of his head.
"What the fuck is he doing here?" I shout.
And the ugly part of my brain responds, This whole apartment complex isn't just for you.
"Oh, shut the fuck up!" I tell it and I look down at Chip, who's looking at the door. "You have to wait, bub."
And then I guess that means I have to wait too.
✤✤✤
I EXPECT MYSELF to use the time waiting for Quinn to leave―I don't even know how long―to tidy up my room or even just watch TV and relax. But somewhere between my stomach grumbling and the fifth episode of The Middle, I find myself having this full-on feud with my ugly voice.
Oh my god, you're so pathetic for waiting for just a fucking guy to leave.
"Shut the fuck up," I respond.
You're not the boss of me.
And for some reason I relent. Because, and I hate to say this, I guess the ugly part of my brain is right. I change into my "running" clothes, which are really just this short sleeved shirt and shorts, and head down to the apartment's gym.
I find Quinn there.
Well, I mean, really I'm running on the treadmill and he decides to choose the treadmill next to me on fucking purpose―I can't believe how unlucky I am right now. And then he waits until I'm done running.
Literally.
He stops jogging a few minutes―or even seconds actually―after I'm done running. I'm exhausted and I feel like just collapsing in bed. I don't understand why I start to feel so lethargic now after I exercise. It's so unfair, too―I'm doing what's good for my body and this is what I get in return.
Fuck. Me.
"Hey." I ignore him for the most part. I'm hoping that he'll get the idea that I'm trying to recover from a 3-mile run or that he got the wrong person. But he doesn't. "Aarya."―my body freezes suddenly―"Right?" he asks cautiously.
Why is it that my body has to react when someone calls my name? And that's when I realize that it's been a long time since that happened, so of course, it will. "Yeah," I say and return to drinking.
"Uh, you remember me, right?"
It's weird. I've never seen Quinn seem so insecure of himself, so I nod my head. "Yeah." God, why the hell do why I do that?!
"Cool. I thought there for a minute that you forgot me. So, anyways, how are you?"
"Uh, good." I'm still fuming at myself for giving in to this guy's emotions, which are probably manipulative.
"Well, that's good. I'm doing good too." It's funny. Even though this conversation seems awkward, Quinn doesn't seem to interpret it that way and, honestly, neither do I.
And then because it's been a long time since I talked to someone, I ask, "So what're you doing here?" He gives me those scrunched eyebrows again, but I know better than to delve into it. "Are you staying here now?"
He opens his mouth, then pauses. "It's a nice place here. I mean, what to do you think?" I remain silent. "Assuming that you live here."
I nod my head. "I do. Yeah. I think I just saw you too upstairs."
His eyes light up. "So that was you! I thought it was my eyes playing tricks on me." I look around the gym. "So, uh, how are you holding up?"
"What?" I look at him on high alert.
He just grins. "You know, since the hospital. I mean, you never came back."
"Yeah," I say monotone, which makes him change the topic.
"Um, so, I'm thinking of moving in. What do you think?"
"Of you moving in?" I ask. "Why does my opinion matter? You're moving in regardless."
"Well, I'm searching for other apartments as well. But I support the enthusiasm." He chuckles a little, but my lips don't budge. I don't find that funny and I'm not going to fake a smile just to make him happy. "I'm glad I saw you," he tells me when he realizes it's just him laughing.
And I figure that's the last I'll be seeing of him.
