I DON'T WANT to get too attached to Quinn. Because now, as I'm sitting across from him, eating lunch at Panera, I'm starting to regret accepting his offer.
Not that it even was an offer. Because somewhere in between our laughter, which he decided to take advantage of, he brought up lunch at Panera.
But he forgot to mention that he meant today.
Which is why I'm not really in the mood for tomato soup and grilled cheese. Especially with Quinn trying to bring up a conversation every time I attempt to eat it.
"It's so cool that you're vegetarian. I admire that so much."
"What?" I look at Quinn with a quizzical expression. Yet I'm happy.
"Yeah. You rarely find people who don't eat meat."
"Oh, well—" I think about Arjun, Bhanu, and Ayush. "I mean, yeah."
"You weren't planning on agreeing with me?" he jokes and even if I even wanted to interpret it as malicious, every fiber of my being wants to believe he doesn't mean any bad intentions.
"So what's your favorite color?"
"Uh, well, purple."
He nods his head. "Yeah. I noticed your nails. I love them by the way."
Coincidentally I look at them. "Oh, yeah, I mean I like getting acrylic nails. But they're super expensive."
"Yo, my sister says the same thing!"
"Oh." I would inquire if he has any more siblings, but, again, I don't want to get too attached.
"Do you have any siblings? I'm guessing you have a brother, right?" I scrunch my eyebrows. "I saw him at the hospital..."
"Oh, uh, yeah. Do you... have any?"
"No. It's just my sister."
"Is she older than you?" I bite my lip.
"No. I'm the eldest." His eyes gaze at me and I suddenly get goosebumps. "You are too, right?"
"Yeah."
✤✤✤
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN MY fifth bite of the grilled cheese, Quinn starts talking—again.
"So," he digests his burger, "why don't you open up to people?"
I give Quinn a look.
"Well, yeah, I mean what happened to cause you to close up?"
"That's a very direct question."
"Well. Okay. I'll go first. I got picked on at school because I'm so tall—" I scoff. "No, really. And I had so much acne that people would pick on me."
"Shit," I suddenly feel a little guilty, "well, I mean, I had acne too. And it's not that big of a deal unless you let it become one."
"Wow." He looks at me in an amazed—what?!—way. "I didn't know you could be so inspiring."
I open my mouth, but I'm speechless. Not because of flattery, though. It's... something else.
"I didn't see it like that. Your parents must be really postive." I almost spit out the lemonade I have in my mouth. "Shit. Shit, shit, shit." Quinn gets on his feet.
"I'm fine," I choke. I attempt to shoo him away, but I fail. Once he's back at his seat, though, he's back to talking.
"My parents are the same." Quinn swishes around his drink. I think he's scared something might happen to him. "Do you call them by their first names as well?" I look at him, surprised. "I do—Dan and Chris."
"Yeah. I do." I stop talking and he looks around the place. "The last time I actually had a friend or whatever was senior year and then right after winter break, she said how she got into a fight with her parents and she wanted to be left alone. But then I saw her with this whole other friend group."
"That's some fucked up shit." I look at Quinn, alarmed. Is that directed towards me? "I'm sorry."
I realize then he's looking at me. "Oh, uh."
"You don't deserve to go through shit like that." I feel like pulling Quinn in for a hug and telling him about all the other fucked up shit I've gone through.
Because I need to, I want to. But I shut myself up because I can't and I won't.
So I'm so glad when he mentions he has to go back to work.
I played my cards right.
