Guilty For You

Chapter 19

I'M AT A place in my life I've never been before: I'm contemplating on whether I should apologize to Quinn. Because maybe I was too harsh to him. But then I think about when he confiscated my journal. And when I bring that up, my negative side makes me the bad guy and him―what do you think?―the good guy.

So I go for a run and when I come back, I feel a little bit livelier. But that all subsides when Bhanu calls.

"What?" I groan through the phone.

"I saw this place where you can mingle with other people who have Asperger's. Would you want to go?" I stay silent. To be honest, I don't even know why I picked up the phone. I hate talking to this woman. But then I think about my isolation―I guess I could blame it on that. "Hello?"

"When is it?"

"Today."

I groan. "Oh my go―then I'm definitely not going."

"Why? You have plans today?" she says it so cocky-like. Like I said, she's a bitch.

"You can't just tell me this shit last minute."

"Shit, ah? This is supposed to help you make friends."

"I don't need any."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." And I hang up.

"Bitch."

✤✤✤

AFTER MINUTES OF negotiating with myself, which really hinders my confidence, so so much for that run, I come to the conclusion that I'll fucking go to that Asperger's workshop or whatever.

But just because I want to make myself happy.

Which probably is a lie because once I get there all I want to do is run back home to the apartment. "Twenty dollars for this shit."

"Hey." Some person approaches me. "Are you here for the Asperger's session?"

"Isn't this the spot?"

"Yeah, we're forming a circle now." She signifies to the circle full of chairs.

"Shit."

"Is this your first time?" She fakes a chuckle, which irritates me.

"Uh, yeah."

"Oh, so this must be exhilarating for you."

"No." I grunt.

"Oh. Okay."

I take a seat in one of the chairs and zone the next few minutes of some random person talking with the album Rare blasting in my ears and eventually the session ends until I'm looking at the same person who I grunted at.

"Hi. So, we're going to be making slime, so, uh..." she gestures towards a table, which I begrudgingly make my way to.

I think I'm expecting the girl to be behind me because when she leaves I feel miserable. And it doesn't help that everyone's engaging except for me. Or maybe I'm just imagining it.

So I make this purple and yellow slime, in honor of the Lakers and my two favorite colors, and then I spot this separate room where there only seem to be a few people and I'm thinking to myself maybe I should go in there and do something.

But I call Bhanu instead who's sitting on the couch at home and she gives me this whole fucking lecture instead of being comforting, which is really what I fucking needed.

Stupid bitch!

So then I start thinking maybe I should walk back home, but then I fucking realize that's it's cold, so fuck me. And then I spot a pizza place and even though I want to lose weight, I go against my willpower―fuck me―and order a broccoli pizza.

"I'll... have it here," I tell the guy and he gives me a paper plate.

I search for a table to sit at, which isn't really hard, considering it's nearly vacant. But I'd prefer to sit somewhere close to a corner.

But then the door swings open, conflicting with my thought process (stupid door) and the guy who opens just stands there for a long time. What the fuck?

I catch a glimpse at him and then, my eyes lock with his.

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I just stare at him dumbfounded. I expect him to break eye contact, but he starts walking towards me and I stay frozen like I'm a spectator.

"Aarya, I... I care about you a lot."

And then I start crying. I can't even control myself. "You don't know how much that means."

"I know." And almost like he's asking for my permission, he wraps his arms around my waist. "I got you," he whispers in my ear.

And I believe him.