I think I'd missed a lot of school, and it's been at least three days since I've been home. Me and Luke have been busy catching up, telling secrets, stuff like that.
I was honestly still confused how Luke faked, but he wouldn't tell me.
I was still upset too. It upset me that Luke did this to me. It hurt.
I sat in Luke's bathroom, holding a razor to my thigh, where Luke wouldn't see anything. I quickly dragged the blade across my thigh for the fifth time.
I counted seven drops of blood on the floor and sliced through my skin once more before cleaning up my skin.
Self-harm has been part of my life for at least a month now and it hasn't left for a day. I still cry over Luke, hoping that he'd come back to his apartment and hold me. He always does, it just scares me that it could happen again, just like the time my mother called me.
"mom?" I asked, answering the phone.
"kaelin," my mother was crying, "Luke is gone."
"what?" I didn't understand.
"Luke committed suicide, honey." her voice cracked, and I heard her break down, "he jumped about ten minutes ago."
"no." I whispered, almost inaudible.
"honey,"
"No." I said a bit louder, feeling warm tears on my cheeks.
"kaelin. come home." my mother whispered.
"NO!" I screamed, "THIS ISNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"
I knew exactly where it happened, I ran from his apartment to the car park. I still felt hot tears running down my face as I saw an ambulance driving away in the distance.
I stood right in the middle of the red stain and screamed.
I screamed until I couldn't.
until I ran out of breath and was left crumbled in Luke's blood.
still crying, I walked out of the bathroom, and flopped on the bed.
I hated this.
I use to be happy.
What the fuck happened to me, Luke?
xxxxxxxxxx
woah.
I love this book a lot.
stay fresh bitches
kal
