Trapped in Kismet [KinnPorsche] [Kinn x Porsche]

Part 10: The Living Dream

Kinn had never gotten such a comfortable lull of sleep.

Ever.

His thoughts were already muddled with work, his family, or his general responsibilities of running a mafia organization. If he was not being shuffled from one event to another, his father was giving him more to do now that the man was stepping back and away from all those affairs.

Being the face of the Theerapanyakun's estate and business holdings, Kinn had his hand in every part of the underworld. Drugs, guns, diamonds, anything that would smell mafia oriented, he knew about it.

Most days, he lived for the thrill of power and others, he was just exhausted.

He envied Tankhun's ability to feign insane and just be able to live a lavish, flamboyant lifestyle or Kim being the typical baby of the family and free to do has he pleased.

Kinn always had to do as he was told. Kinn always had to uphold an image that his father was proud of. His relationships suffered (if they could be called that), his friendships were only with other mafia kids (not that he minded them), and he rarely was able to open himself and enjoy life for what it was.

If someone asked him what his hobby was, he would claim to not have any. If asked about his dreams or aspirations, he would say they died a long time ago.

Kinn was a man of no substance at the end of the day.

It seemed his brothers also had trouble with finding 'the one' so he was not alone in that sense.

They often teased him for being so good looking and just a waste because he found no one to dote on endlessly.

His duties far outweighed his own needs. So, when he took to one-night stands or boytoys, no one questioned it. They all figured it was his only means of release, which was partially true, and the flip side was that commitment was dangerous.

Kinn would have to reveal himself and his family to this person he brought into his heart. It was a mistake that had cost him too much last time that trying again seemed too painful.

Said chance he had made was in college with a boy named Tawan.

Ironically, those were some of the best days of his life if he had to be honest with himself or anyone that asked. His relationship with Tawan was very carefree, gallivanting all over Asia together and just happy. He lost himself to the prickle of first love and he could never say no to anything Tawan wanted.

They were free to love, to kiss, to even hold hands without someone looking for anything of him. But he had been blinded by that love when he heard that Tawan sold his family secrets to competitors.

He could not believe that his heart would be taken for granted. That he was a fool to fall to those devices.

The shot that echoed from the barrel of his gun into Tawan was dull to the stabbing pain in his heart from the betrayal. Was he unlovable?

Kinn was devastated for a month after. He recalled being unable to properly mourn as his father told him traitors deserved what came to them.

His father told him to push through the setback and become himself. To 'shake it off' and move on.

That experience pushed away any semblance of an emotional connection he could want in a relationship again. Purely physical was his best bet. It still allowed him to enjoy the skin ship boytoys offered him, their pretty smiles, and delightful screams to him plowing into them made up for everything.

The empty promises from Tawan, the hollowness of shooting him, and his father's indifference.

Kinn promised to himself not to get involved again.