Cindy's Time (Ongoing)

CHAPTER 3

THEOLOGY was my first class this Tuesday. St. Ignatius is a Catholic institution; theology and philosophy subjects were part of our curriculum in view of the holistic formation approach of the school.

I checked my schedule for the fifth time this morning just to make sure that I got the room assignment correct this time. Room 209.

I went to the class listing posted on the door and counterchecked my schedule. Yup, the first class in Room 209 was Theology 301 - Marriage and Family Life. I was the first one in the classroom since it's more than half an hour before class time.

I pulled out my phone from my pocket and sent a text message to Elina. Lunch?

Not a minute passed when I received a reply. In class right now. Raincheck? Org stuff later.

Sure, no prob. See u when I see u. I added a winking smiley.

It was not long before my thoughts strayed to Lorenzo. I smiled at yesterday's memories.

Really, Cindy, at the frequency you're thinking about him, what hope do you have of crashing this crush? I can imagine the overthinking part of me shaking her head and shooting me disapproving glares.

I hardly had any sleep last night trying not to think of him - and failing miserably. Every time I close my eyes all I see is his Colgate-worthy smile, his mussed-up hair, and his bright brown eyes. In the wee hours of the morning, I tried to dissect my feelings as to why I'm scared of feeling something for another.

I was afraid of falling short of the expectations of other people. Add that to the fact that Lorenzo seems to be the inspiration of romance novel heroes, he seems to be so out of my league. Here I am, the plainest of all plain Janes and there he is, in a totally different spectrum. I figured that if I don't let myself thoughtlessly start clinging on a foolish notion of a happy ever after, I save myself the trouble of getting hurt.

I'm one of the people who are afraid of falling in love for the primary reason that I haven't even experienced romantic love at all. Talk about a paradox.

I have always thought that people my age who had loads of love problems were crazy. It wasn't until I experienced the same did I finally understand them. In my head, I apologized for those people I have judged for the reason that they are humans who feel.

Another voice cut through my internal conflict with myself - that of Elina's. I remembered how I promised her that I'll go with the flow. Going with the flow was something that I always had difficulty doing. I was the kind of person that sticks with what is safe and comfortable. Looking back, never have I ever opted following the uncertain path.

And where did that lead me? No place where I felt as alive as I am now.

That's right. I have never felt as full of life as when I was with Lorenzo during our two short interactions yesterday. I felt nothing but warmth from inside whenever he was near.

I smiled, now at peace with myself. I mentally patted myself on the back. I vowed to do exactly what I promised Elina. No more running scared of what-ifs, no more turning my back on good things that happen in my life. This is my time to be happy.

My wistfulness was broken by a sudden shriek - yes, a my-eardrums-are-ringing-what-the-fudge-was-that kind of shriek.

There's only one person I know with that trademark greeting. Nicko.

"Hello, baby girl! I missed you so much!" He gave me air kisses on both cheeks and sat beside me. "I haven't seen you since forever!"

I laughed at his frenetic energy. Nicko is also one of my and Elina's closest friends. He's in HRM as well but he's in a different track. He's also gay, loud and proud.