heart of glass • joe burrow

023

March 23, 2022

joe went home a little under a month ago, it's not like she blames him. he has a life. he's been facetiming her everyday, talking about what it was going to be like when she moved to cincinnati. which was a decision she decided to make.

the news came out that c.j. was leaving the bengals, joe was a little upset about it. they were close and c.j. brought great energy to the team.

they've been texting a lot too, just about life. and time difference wasn't much of an issue, it was only an hour.

she did miss having him around. occasionally, her friends would come over and her brothers but other than that, it was as quiet as ever.

she took a nap, it was 1 o'clock and she was super tired. she couldn't really sleep last night. she has this weird pit in her stomach like the world was going to end.

she woke up, around 3. she had 12 missed calls and 36 unread texts. all from different people.

joe had called her, travis called her, izzy, layla, jason, jamar, evan, joe mixon, and mike had all called her. joe called her multiple times.

all of the texts said different things along the lines of 'answer the phone', 'kenzie, you there?'. what on earth was everybody trying to reach her for?

she called travis back first, who added jason to the call. "what happened?" kenzie asked.

"kenzie, i'm so sorry." jason said, barely above a whisper.

"what happened?" kenzie said again.

"she's gone kenzie." travis said. it sounds like the both of them had been crying. jason was back in philadelphia.

"who's gone?" kenzie said. "what are you talking about?"

"mom. she's gone." travis said. "the hospital called me. she was in a crash. there was black ice on the bridge, and" travis said taking a big deep breath and sighing. "she spun out."

"no." kenzie said. she couldn't believe it. her mom was her everything. "no, no, no, no, no."

"i'm sorry kenzie." jason said.

"she, she's gone." kenzie said choking on her words. maybe she was right about feeling the the world was going to end.

"it happened last night." jason said.

"i'll talk to you later." kenzie said hanging up the phone.

she couldn't believe it. she didn't even get to say bye. it was just her, travis, and jason now. the glue holding their family together was gone.

no more of her smiles and laughs to make them feel better, no more of her hugs or kisses. her mom taught her everything she knows. she taught her how to love, how to be loved, and brought her out of the dark.

kenzie was crying very hard at this point. she was breathing heavily, hands shaking. she was gone and would never come back. why couldn't she have more time?

she started ripping her room apart. throwing the sheets off of her bed, pushing everything off of her dresser, throwing the clothes out of it. as if all of this anger needed to be let out and she needed some sort of satisfaction.

it wasn't working. she needed to break something. she went down to the kitchen. she started throwing plates and bowls at the floor. she probably looked like a physco.

she felt two arms wrap around her and pull her away from the mess she just made. "she's gone." kenzie said, still crying. "she's gone. and i didn't even say goodbye."

she felt her legs give out. like her chest was caving in around her. like she was being suffocated with a blanket and she couldn't find a way out.

like there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

"i'm sorry. i'm sorry." the person holding her said. they were sitting on the floor now, away from the mess. she was still crying.

"i'm so sorry." he said. he kept repeating it as if those words were like bandaids to all the wounds those words she was told had cut her.

but a bandaid is useless against a cut that deep.

kenzie sat there and cried. she cried for over an hour before she stopped. she was still heartbroken but maybe she dried out her eyes.

the person that was holding her, let go. kenzie say against the wall, knees to her chest. her head in her knees.

she heard the glass being picked up. it was joe. maybe travis told him to come, to help her. he cleaned up the glass.

kenzie stood up, and walked to her room. she forgot she had trashed it. she walked into her bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror.

her eyes were red, her face was red. she washed her face and took an advil. she had a pounding headache.

she walked out of her room, essentially to clean it, but found joe already doing so.

"sit down." he motioned for her to sit on her bed, which was back to normal.

those were the only words other than i'm sorry that joe had spoken since he got here. kenzie sat on her bed and stared at the wall.

joe finished at sat down in her bed next to her. he pulled her to his chest. he started drawing circles on her back like he always does.

"what was your favorite thing about her?" joe said. he talked quietly as if he talked too loud, her bones would snap.

"i love how she always knew how to make me smile." kenzie said. that was true. "and she was my biggest fan. she was the one who told me to go for the job. she is the reason i love photography in the first place."

"i remember before we started dating, i had an amazing conversation with her." joe said, still talking quietly.

"i called her right after we lost the super bowl, she told me that you were really good at calming people down." joe said. "she was right." but at this moment, joe was doing a better job than she could ever do at calming her down. "and she gave me the idea to ask you to be my girlfriend in paris. she told me about the tree."

kenzie didn't know any of this. and it only made her more sad that joe loved her mom too. how couldn't?

kenzie was grieving more than she ever has in her entire life. she couldn't do this on her own.

but she knew for a fact that joe would be with her for tonight at least. so, tonight, she would be fine.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

dropped the bomb