Grace Matters

Chapter One

Well, how can I start this? My name is Grace Matters. I am twenty-six. I live with my friend Laura in Montreal, Canada. You can see how I look, obviously, but for these purposes, I have bright red hair and emerald, green eyes. Im also taller than the average woman. I'm personally what you would think is an everyday girl. But it isnt all as it seems...

The day I arrived in town was more than strange, there was a car accident in which I was the only person involved. Yet the only thing was I didnt know how or why I was there. I dont even remember why I got in that damned car or where I was from. I was like a lost soul with nowhere to be or how I even came into existence, with no memories of who I was before all of that mess, all I had on me was my name and an old-looking family photograph, a child and parents, its one of those retro kinds that look older than they are but I guess I kept it on me for some reason, right? That is all I have ever known about myself and it can be quite rough at times with no knowing who I am but I have tried to live a normal life as well as I could of. I ended up getting a job in some crusty diner, the pay wasnt much to even keep me alive most of the time but it keeps the mind busy and all of that. I only have one friend in this life, which is Laura, the woman who found me on the side of the road after the crash. I was a dazed and confused mess though at that moment she was like an angel who was put there to rescue me from my mind and insanityIs that the wrong term to use in this situation with where I am now? There was one problem that happened with waking up with no memories of having no recollection of who I was as a person. I constantly had strange dreams, dreams that felt more like memories yet it doesnt seem natural at all. Natural is far from what those dreams are. The blood is one thing, I am covered in blood a lot of the time, but not injured and Im not scaredIm enjoying it. It makes me wonder if I was some kind of killer in this other time of my life or something beyond imaginable. Not that I could personally imagine killing anyone, you have nothing to worry about there. In those dreams also, there are people there, people that look familiar in some kind of way and their names that I hear being called out echoing in my mind, its as if I know these people, or they at least know me from somewhere. It makes me feel as if I belong somewhere for once instead of just plainly existing, people who know the real me, understand the real me yet I cant even do that myself right now, you cant tell me that isnt some type of crazy torture? A part of me thinks that it is a comfort of what I am missing in real life, but the other part of me is envious of the dreams. I want to live that life to be that person, its got to be better than what I am living now. I feel like a stranger at the wrong time, is it wrong to be envious of something that I dont know is real? The only people who know about these strange dreams or whatever they are; is Laura and my therapist. My therapist seems to think that it is due to some childhood trauma in my life, why does it seem to always boil down to some childhood trauma with therapists? The fact that I cant even remember being a child, or a teenager. It is just some harsh issues to deal with without even knowing what happened back then. I dont even know how old I am or even when I should celebrate my birthday, which is enough to make anyone want to grab at straws to a different reality.

Laura thinks that it is taking over my life and she keeps insisting that I need more professional help other than my therapist, but I try to laugh it off, she doesnt understand how I feel inside my head if only she could have taken the time to understand me just a little bit. It isnt like I am harming anyone in this world and I dont think I was in the past, to be honest. It just seems to cure the boredom of my monotonous life anyway, maybe she is right and I am overthinking what is going on but there has to be a reason behind it all, right? Even if it was just a dream, who was to say that it was wrong and unnatural, everyone has dreams or the body or brain wouldnt function properly. Well, that is what I keep telling myself anyway, its easier than saying that I have lost my mind since the accident. Everyone else has seemed to make that judgment for me, including all of you.