Adventures In Therapy | Hitoshi Shinso/Maes Hughes | Crossover Fusion

Broken Mind

There was light outside these walls but yet Shinso sat upon the chair with the curtains draped in total darkness.

Just like his feelings.

The night the other two left the thoughts in his mind began to spiral out of his control. Add that to the absurd amount of harassing text messages Shoji had been sending, on top of being confronted, beaten and verbally assaulted by the guy when he came back.

And to make matters worse, Maes hadn't answered his call. Or given any indication whatsoever. He had only left one message himself

"I don't want to be the one that calls you away from your happy place." Shinso began the conversation and he absolutely cringed at how desperate and needy he sounded. "But by now you're pretty much aware of what's going on. I just…dammit I don't know what I can say to fix this. Or if you'll listen. Or if…"

Or if he'd ever want to see him again, touch him or…. Anything. He couldn't bring himself to say it though. It was killing him that he couldn't. But he was too scared to utter the words.
"Nevermind I'll see you at home."

Jealousy ate away at his heart.
Self esteem tore through the walls to bite into his confidence, deflating it all together while his heart was stabbed over and over again by his fear of rejection.

He was just a shell of a man who got caught in a spider's nest, unable to find his way back into the light.

Back to himself

He was bent over with his head in his hands letting the voices take control. Each time he stared at the clock to see that barely a minute has gone by since he last laid eyes upon it he felt like he was stabbed. Torture to his rigid soul.

He sat there waiting for the other shoe to drop and damn it if it wasn't killing him on the inside. This long torturous wait until Maes returned to serve him his walking papers.

This mental breakdown he was experiencing only made things worse. He needed help and he needed it now.

But he didn't know where to go.

"Toshi."

Shinso physically winced when he heard that voice. He whined like a kicked puppy, his eyes were open but he refused to move or even look up.

He felt the temperature rise in his body, literally sweating bullets. Hands visibly shaking.

This was it.

His time had come.

"Toshi." Maes said again. "Look at me."

Shinso steeled his nerves. Clenching his fists he sought the last ounce of bravery he had to tilt his head up and gaze into Maes' eyes.

He tried to stop himself

But the words came out anyway.

"Are you going to leave me too?"

And damn it, no he couldn't look. He didn't want to see whatever face Maes had plastered on his face. He couldn't handle it. He sobbed in his hands.

It was quiet. Too quiet. He needed to speak his mind while he had the chance.

"I'm so lost in my head right now, and I don't know what the hell to do." He let the tears flow. "My emotions are so screwed up I can't discern what up, down, left or right is anymore. I've been thinking Shoji's been right all this time. I should be sent to prison for what I've done. Take the word therapist, separate the E and the R and what does that spell? After all nothing spells rapist better than a therapy session." He heard Maes gasp. "I raped them. I fucked them all without their consent. And damn it all I was actually enjoying the whole damn thing. I'm a freak. A sicko. A psychopathic monster. I forced my way inside their minds. I was so desperate for love and I shoved it down their throats."