What Doesn't Kill You

Chapter 3

I woke up with a start. I wasn't sure what had roused me but I had a feeling it was something to do with Black. He was hovering over me, staring at me with an expression I didn't understand. It was a cross between angry and curious. Like I was a contaminated specimen of whatever he expected to find.

"When did you get back?"

"I told you..."

"...it's none of my business. Yeah...you mentioned that." I turned away hoping to block Black and his confusing actions out but it took me a while to find a comfortable position. I eventually had to return to the same spot I'd been in. The spot that brought me back to Black.

"Why did you come back?" I asked even though I didn't think he'd answer me.

"I wanted to check on you."

"Could you stop doing that? You don't have to watch me or whatever this is. If you don't want to be here...."

"I want to be here," he answered simply.

"Jeezus..." I said barely getting my breath in check because it felt like he'd punched me in the gut.

"I just don't want you thinking you can kiss me whenever you want."

"Wait...what the...you kissed me first," I spattered indignantly.

"That was just a peck. I wasn't trying to do a tonsillectomy the way you were."

How dare he accuse me? "Isn't it more important that you kissed me at all?"

"Perhaps," he said turning away and staring at the ceiling.

That was just the kind of non-answer I expected. But what I needed was to get back to sleep and Black was making that impossible. I was about to tell him to go to another room (or go home) when he turned my face towards his. He stared into my eyes for a lot longer than I was comfortable with but his hold on my chin was impossible to dislodge. I closed my eyes to end the contact but that seemed like the invitation he was waiting for.

I felt the soft press of his mouth on mine. I opened my eyes in shock and tried to pull away but I was still in the same predicament as before—I couldn't move away. I didn't want to move away. I wanted him to keep doing what he was doing. My hands went around his head and held him in place when he would have moved away.

Deepening the kiss.
His tongue swept into my mouth.
His body poised over mine.

He was being considerate. Holding himself up so he wouldn't press into my injuries. But I could still feel him with every shift or turn. I heard a soft keen only to realize the sound was coming from me. His hands had strayed down my torso. He was dangerously close to my crotch and I was straining towards his hand. Wanting him to do more. Worried that whatever he did would hurt.

This was nothing like the touches Black had given me before. This was not the unfettered violence that had landed me in the hospital. Gone was the clinical touch Black had used to help me with simple tasks since my discharge. It was nothing like the dispassionate way he undressed me for every shower when I couldn't bear to have the nurse do it.

Those had been cold.
This was hot.

"Black, please..."

He touched me intimately then. Stroking me with a gentleness I would never have associated with his hard, vicious attitude. I wasn't prepared for it.

I had been touched before. I had been with enough people—both men and women—to appreciate the pleasure of it. But it had never felt like my body was being turned inside out. It had never felt like I was being electrocuted.

It couldn't be because of Black.
I didn't want this feeling to be because of him.

If he knew he could do this to me, there could only be two responses. He would either do it all the time and watch me come apart in his arms. Or he would never do it again and watch me pine for the pleasure only he could give. It didn't matter which he chose, he would have me in his power either way. I needed to stop now or I wouldn't know how to later.

"Stop."

"Is that what you really want?" He asked with a knowing look. The usual contempt in his glare was lacking but it was no less intense.

I gritted my teeth, desperate to finish what he'd started but aware that I couldn't fall into whatever new trap he'd devised for me. With a decisiveness I didn't feel I said, "Yes."

"Okay."

His idea of what was okay and what wasn't, differed from mine entirely. I expected him to let go of me. To slip from the bed the way he'd left the apartment earlier. Instead, he moved his hand up from my crotch and lay it on my stomach. Easing in next to me so his body was touching mine at strategic spots from my shoulder to my thigh. He then proceeded to snuggle in like I was a life-size teddy bear...and fall asleep.

Some people could fall asleep anywhere at any time. I used to think I was one of them. Black disabused me of that notion. While he was blissfully unaware, I was about to lose my mind. Detangling from his hold, I moved to the other side of the big bed. I had just managed to get myself upright when Black touched my back.

"What do you need?" I couldn't slap his hand away and balance myself so I ignored the worthless show of concern.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep."

"Just stay there. I'll help you..." he told me irritably.

"You've done enough. Just...I asked you to stop. So just stop. Okay?"

He nodded and moved away with his hands up in surrender. I hobbled past him to the bathroom closing the door firmly behind me. I did not make a sound as I took care of myself. Even when I had to bite the inside of my mouth to keep from crying out with pleasure when I found my release. Wanting to scream when my faculties reasserted themselves and I realized it was Black's face I had pictured, Black's hands I had imagined—everything was about Black.

Damn him for putting me in this position.