What Doesn't Kill You

Chapter 6

If I was a bad patient, Black was the devil incarnate. He resisted every attempt to help him, except when I did it personally. He was rude to the nurse. He couldn't abide the physiotherapist. Every once in a while, he snapped at me but apologised almost too quickly.

I could tell when he was feeling better. His disdainful smirk was back in full effect. The piercing gaze that he used as a weapon, flailed me. Leaving me exposed in ways I had never been before. He could see through me and I had no idea what I had revealed with or without my knowledge. But there was something freeing about it.

We had already done the worst we possibly could to each other. There was nothing he did not know about me. No evil secret I had managed to keep from him. If he could still abide by my presence, I had already won. Instead of my usual defensiveness, his irritation was entertaining. And, as only Black could, he noticed the change in me immediately.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked me over breakfast a few days after his return.

He was no longer favouring one side of his mouth. Most of the bruises had faded to a sickly yellow and purple. He didn't shuffle around like me anymore. I was envious of his quick recovery. I didn't want him to go.

"This is as much your home as it is mine. You can do whatever you want."

"I think I'll stick around awhile."

The way he pushed the food around on his plate told me he wasn't done saying what he wanted to say. Watching him pick up and then put down his coffee cup, before taking a sip, a tell-tale sign that something was weighing on him. Was he debating whether to tell me what was going on with his life? It was hell to wait.

"Remember the cops who came to the hospital?"

"What?" I asked in shock.

"Right...you weren't there. It was White and the other guys," he said to himself and I could have lived without knowing that. "Anyway, there were some cops at the hospital—and at the place I went. I don't know if they're dirty or not but their loyalties were—are flexible.

"One of them was uninclined to close the case after everything sorted—something about a personal quota. I thought it was best if I changed his mind. Turns out I didn't have to do anything since he'd managed to piss off a few other guys. Unfortunately for me, they weren't interested in asking the right questions when they found us together. They figured they'd teach us both a lesson and let the chips fall where they may."

"So, what you're saying is that nobody is coming for you. At least if you don't do anything stupid, right?"

I needed to clarify his status. I would fight beside him if it came to that, but I much preferred a diplomatic route.

"Basically," he said with a shrug. "This was just a case of wrong place, wrong time."

"Maybe if you stopped doing this shit of trying to save the world by yourself..."

"Don't worry. I think I'm done for now."

It was strange to see Black so easily take a lesson from anything. I couldn't help needling him for old times' sake.

"Are you going to go back to school?"

"Let's not get crazy," he said after much thought but he winked at me.

"Fine. What now?"

He raised his hand and I automatically reared back. But he surprised me (again) by gently caressing my face. My eyes closed of their own accord. I had to force them open only to wish I hadn't. Black's knowing smirk was just as annoying as ever.

"Maybe we can find out what this is."

"What, what is?"

"You heard me."

I had. I managed a squinty-eyed look at him because I never expected such words to come out of Black's mouth. I never expected him to even consider it. I wanted it—I was past denying that. Was he telling me there was a chance that he wanted it too?

"Why the change of heart?"

"What change of heart? You've always been there—even when White wasn't. Even when my parents were playing games of tug-of-war, you were there. Maybe that's the point."

"Maybe. Or maybe we're so desperate, we'll take anything." I suggested instead.

"Maybe—," he agreed and I was ready to hear him tell me it was a joke. "—in the absence of the one, the best bet is the only."

To prove he was serious, Black leaned across the table and dropped a kiss on my mouth. I didn't have time to respond before it was over. Except, if he was telling the truth, it was never going to be over between us.

"Are you going out today?" I asked desperately hoping that his answer was no.

"I want to check on White."

"Do you have to?"

"Yes."

"I take it I'm supposed to stay here and wait."

"Stay here, yes. Wait? For what?"

Son of a bitch. Why didn't I have the strength to just tell him to go fuck himself? I didn't have to listen to him. I left the table in frustration. Nothing I said would make a difference. Nothing I did would change his mind. When I returned, the table was clear and Black was gone. The part of me that knew better hoped he wouldn't come back. It was not a big enough part.

I worked. It was the only thing I had left. Even better because there wasn't a thing I couldn't do from the comfort of my home. It was easy to get into it and block out all the uncertainty. I was so engrossed; I didn't stop for lunch until I was forced to. Black wasn't back I hadn't expected him to be.

I was laying down on the couch watching the news when I felt rather than saw him hovering beside my head.

"How did it go?"

Black didn't answer.

Coming around and blocking my view of the television he waited until I was looking him in the face he mouthed, "I missed you."