Jedtavius Oneshots/Headcanons (requests open!)

Drunken Jedediah

It was a calm night. That is until Ahkmenrah decided to throw another party. "C'mon, let's party!" Ahkmenrah said, gathering everyone until eventually, pretty much the entire museum was in the lobby area. Everyone except for a queer couple, who were on their way. 

"WOOOO!" Jed exclaimed, driving all around the museum like crazy. "JEDEDIAH, SLOW DOWN!" Octavius was holding onto his seat for dear life, "IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS YOU WON'T HAVE ENERGY FOR THE PARTY" But it was too late, they were already there. Jed got out of the car and opened the door for Octavius. "My bad, pardner! Jus' tryna have some fun!" Jed chuckled. "Now, c'mon! If we're gonna party, we better party hard!!" he took Octavius's hand and ran to the desk, where they saw Teddy. "Yo, Ted! Lift us, will ya'?" Jed yelled. Teddy looked down at the two miniatures. "Why, of course, my boys!" He put his hand down for the two to get on, and he lifted them to the desk. "Thank you, President." Octavius thanked Teddy as Teddy left. A different song than before started playing. It was "September" by Earth Wind and Fire (bc it was played in the movie shut up)

"Oh, yeah! C'mon, you hot shot! Let's dance!" Jed yelled in glee, taking Octavius's other hand. They started dancing. Everything was fine until Dexter found an open beer a customer left (and somehow snuck in). Dexter swung to the desk, drinking it, going crazy. Only Jed and Octavius saw this because everyone else was occupied dancing elsewhere. Dexter tried drinking more of it, but he lost grip and spilled it. it fell from Dexter's hand to right on top of Jed and Octavius. 

"ACK!" Jed exclaimed. "What the hell happened?!" "Aw, gross!" Octavius said, annoyed. "What is this?" he flailed his arms down to try and get this drink off of him. Jed then licked his lips to taste it. "Woo! I dunno, but it sure is doin' somethin' to me! I like it!" Jed said, slightly wobbling. Octavius turned around to look at what dropped. "Bud Light... Oh, no. Alcohol. Human amount of alcohol." Octavius muttered to himself. While he was turned around, tipsy Jed was cupping his hands to the beer puddle, drinking more of it. "Well, my dear, it seems you are dru-" Octavius turned around to see Jed practically wasted. 

"Oh, why hello, Hercules," Jed said flirtatiously, leaning on the computer mouse which was unplugged. "Well, aren't you handsome" Jed kept saying things like this, making Octavius blush like hell. They eventually started dancing again, Jed still drunk, when he went to lean in for a kiss. 

"Jedediah, you're drunk. I'm not going to kiss you while you're under alcohol and substance influence. it's not right." Octavius blushed. he put his hand in front of Jed, his lips on Oct's palm. "Aw, C'mon! where's the fun side of you?" Jed asked, slightly less drunk now. "It'll be back once you're sober again," Octavius responded, still blushing. "Oh, alright." Jed said "But can I still call you sexy?" he smirked "...fine. but nothing more than nicknames while you're under the influence of alcohol." Octavius said sternly. They spent the rest of the night dancing until it was eventually almost sunrise. "Don't worry, hottie, I'll drive-" "Don't even think about it." Octavius interrupted Jed. "Aw, but why?? you know that I'm not drunk anymore!" Jed whined. "Do you not see the way you're whining? it's more than average, I'll tell you that much." Octavius said. "Now, I'll be the one driving." he got in the car with Jed in the passenger seat. Soon enough, they made it to the miniature dioramas.

"Well, it's almost sunrise, so we should get to our stations," Octavius said. "well, alright. G'day, you hunk o' hot stuff" Jed said. "And good day to you, carissime amor," Octavius said. They both went to their places and settled in for the day, but just before sunrise, Jed had remembered

"carissime amor" means "my dearest love" in Latin. He began to blush, and just before he could calm down, up came the sun. Thankfully, no one noticed according to Rebecca.