The Darkness

Caving Cynthia

I cave, I cave, I cave.

She smiled as she reminisced her strangest experience. She was returning after a late night dinner with her friends. The train was nearly empty. For some reason she felt safe sitting close to where he was. It probably had to do something with the fact that he was reading The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller.

Maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was the loneliness, she did the unthinkable. She started the conversation.

It was the best decision I made that day. Or ever. He was very entertaining and we talked about the books we have read. And then he asked what I was into.

In my inebriated state, I interpreted his question 10 different ways. Something made me answer - Drawing and Poetry.

He was interested in my hobbies. It had never happened before. When a guy realizes I love my books, write poems and draw, it's as if they see a horn growing out of my head. They distance themselves from me.

He asked me to show him my drawings, and after trying to avoid it for awhile, I caved. I showed him some of my drawings on my sketch book. He was curious, about why I made those, what I was thinking... as if he was figuring out my thought process, figuring me out.

After looking at the drawings for awhile, he asked me about my poems. That's something I was not ready to share. He said "No pressure".

It was different. The guys I've been with so far - they were pushy. And here he was - a few feet away from me, telling me No pressure. It triggered something deep in me. I had this sudden urge to please him. Still my poems are the gateway into my soul, and I do not bare my soul to anyone, let alone a stranger I met less than an hour ago.

As they continued their journey, and the train passed more stations, she started to panic. It was going to end soon. One of them was going to get off soon.

And I would not see him again. Ever.

No - it wasn't love or even a tiniest crush. It was a strange sense of admiration for the man on the train. Yes - that's what I call him now, "The man on the train".

Out of the blues, he looked into my eyes, and asked me to read a poem. The soul searching gaze did something. I caved.

And he was very perceptive. He asked me why I chose the words I used, he asked me about the verses, and he asked me if he could suggest something.

WTF?? Where in the world does a guy ask for permission to suggest something? They are full of it. Did you come out my books??

It was a thought in my head, or so I thought. I must have said it out loud because he was looking at me - smiling. Again I had the urge, to explain.

And she told him about her failed relationships and how she was unlucky when it came to relationship. How her search for the true love was going to wither and die.

No.

A single word. Firmly spoken.

What did you say?

No - Luck has nothing to do with it. It's their loss.

Hold your thoughts there. Did this guy really come out of one of my books? Did I have too much to drink and am I hallucinating?

I don't know why you think luck has anything to do with this. In the last 30 minutes or so, I found you to be smart and funny. If a guy cannot appreciate what you have, then it's his loss. He doesn't deserve you.

Beautiful words have never been spoken before.

Don't give a rats ass to what others do. You keep living your life, and it won't be long before you will find what you are looking for.

Fuck.

I melted at his words. How can someone say something so beautiful. I must be dreaming.

And the train stopped. And my train of thoughts stopped. He was standing up, gathering his stuff to leave.

Do you want my number? Can I get yours? Do you have insta or snap?

She blabbered, and he smiled at her. She looked at him bewildered.

I screamed, "What's your name?"

He looked back and smiled. And he was gone. I was left empty - not knowing what just happened. The doors closed and the train continued its journey. I continued on my journey.

That night, as she got into her bed, she replayed everything. She was not dreaming. She definitely was not dreaming. She was talking to a real person. Was there anything she could have done to get his number?

Maybe it was better this way. Not knowing who he was, not knowing how to get in touch. Every time I ride the train, I look for him. My eyes search for him everywhere. Something changed within me. Maybe it was what he said - his words became my guiding principles.

Don't give a rats ass to what others do. You keep living your life, and it won't be long before you will find what you are looking for.

I was more confident in my actions. I was stronger. And it was not long after that night, I found Justin - my streak of bad relationship ending with this one.

The man on the train - my stranger, my guiding star, my lucky star.

I cave, I cave, I cave
I cave to your words
I cave to your beautiful words
Encouraging me to bare my soul.

I cave, I cave, I cave
To the words I hear
I cave to your words in my head
Words that made me strong.

I cave, I cave, I cave
To the words you said
I cave to your beautiful words
Words that I fell in love!!