Pretty Boy {Jegulus}

11

Regulus had been relapsing, he knew he had been. He hadn't been eating, every time he looked in the mirror he wanted to scream and cry, he did not recognise the person he saw. He had barely been sleeping and been getting up at five to be on the ice at six to train till he was sore, bruised and tired. He ignored most of his friends, his defences where higher up than ever. Days went by in a blur and Regulus seemed to just been dragging himself along. He made sure he was busy at any time, to keep the thoughts from creeping in. He didn't fee safe in his skin, he wanted to crawl out of it. He had no idea what was wrong with him, his parents wouldn't allow him to see a psychiatrist, but he had been having these episodes as long as he could remember, where he would only live to hurt himself. He wasn't necessarily angry or sad, just so very empty and alienated from himself, from the world. He often wondered if Sirius felt it too, or if it was just him, if he was just being weird. Sirius. Oh, ever since Regulus had revealed his identity, he had been yearning. Yearning for his brother to look at him, to talk to him, to be his brother again. He hadn't known he missed it, but now that Sirius was in his presence again, he felt like he needed him. He needed his brother to protect him, like he had when they were just children. Regulus wanted to be able to knock at his door again and crawl into Sirius' bed when he was having bad dreams again. He wanted to be there for Sirius when he had one of his breakdowns and he wanted Sirius to be there for him when he was having one of his breakdowns. Sure, Remus was like a brother to him, but it wasn't the same. Sirius was blood.

He was on the ice again, his body was struggling, he hadn't eaten in a while, he tried, his body refused. Nothing was working, all of his jumps seemed to fail, all he was doing was just falling down and bruising himself. He was so caught up in himself he had not heard the door, or the footsteps, or the skates being thrown to the side when he made an exceptionally hard crash to the ice and took a few seconds to get up. His body was screaming, but so were his mother and Narcissa. You're weak. Try again. Try harder. It's all the fat on your body. Stop whining and get up. And he wanted to, he wanted to get up, but his body physically gave up and he could barely lift himself to even sit up. The coldness and wetness of the ice were slowly penetrating his clothes and Regulus was shivering more than he already had been. He didn't see the person stepping onto the ice, he didn't hear them coming his way, he barely even noticed when they wrapped their arms around him and lifted him from the ground.

He woke in a room that looked like his own, but wasn't. This wasn't his room. It smelled different and his light didn't slightly flicker. The light was too bright for his eyes and he wanted to scream, but his throat was dry. Someone sat down on the strange bed, a voice he didn't immediately recognise spoke to him.

"Good, you're awake" the voice sounded as if it were trying to pretend they didn't care, but the voice was shaking, which gave away they did. They did care. Regulus sat up, but had to lay down immediately again. The world was spinning and he felt like throwing up, except his stomach was empty. He was offered a hand. Regulus grabbed it and was pulled up again, slowly, this time.

"Eat this" the voice said. Regulus could not yet see who it was, nor give the voice a place. It was a man's voice, he knew that much. Regulus looked at the crackers in his hand and then looked at the person who gave them to him.

"Sirius?" Regulus said in a weak voice. Sirius smiled a bit unsure.

"In flesh and bones" he said. Regulus looked around the room, it was decorated with pictures and posters and way less tidy than Regulus preferred.

"Where am I?" he asked.

"My dorm" Sirius sighed. Sirius' dorm meant...

"I don't want to be here" Regulus' breath stalked in his throat. He anxiously looked over at the other side of the room, the side that must've belonged to James. Sirius placed his hand on Regulus' arm.