Chapter 7: I Will
"Can you do it, huh?" I asked.
I had never sounded so desperate like this before. Brienne's response could either boost my hope or push me further down the edge. But I had nothing else to lose, so I might just risk myself again.
Brienne just stared at me while I was dying to know if she can do what I badly want to do. Hinawakan ko ang bakal na kulungan saka mas nilapit ang mukha ko sa kanya.
"Can you link me to my past, Brienne?"
After her long silence, she sighed and shook her head. Bumagsak ang mga balikat ko at bahagyang lumuwag ang pagkakahawak ko sa bakal na rehas.
"I cannot do that, Lord Oscar."
"Just what I thought..."
Umupo ako at sinandal ang likod sa bakal na rehas. Saka ako tumingala at nagpakawala ng mabigat na hininga. Napailing na lang ako sa pinaggagawa ko.
"It's ironic how a free man like you appeared to be more wretched than an imprisoned woman like me," Brienne said, which I found not ironic at all.
I let out a sigh and lowered my head to rest on my knees. I suppose there was really nothing else I could have done besides bear the consequences of all the choices I had made in the past. Wala nang paraan para mabago ko ang mga naganap na.
"I never aspired to be a vampire. Not even once it crossed my mind," Brienne whispered. "Inalok ako ni Lord Caezar na maging isang bampira, pero tumanggi ako. I don't want to live forever. To live means to suffer."
"We don't actually live forever," I whispered. "That's an ancient belief about us."
"Yes, you do," she insisted.
"We don't."
"Why?"
That's when I turned my back and faced her. Nakaupo rin pala siya paharap sa akin. May munting liwanag sa kanyang kaliwang palad na nagsisilbing liwanag sa pagitan namin.
"If we really do live forever, she would have been still here," I whispered, still looking into her eyes. "I wouldn't be here talking to you and begging you to help me talk to her one last time."
It took her a moment to respond. "Well, those are unfortunate vampires. Sa pagitan naming mga tao at kayong mga bampira, mas mataas ang tyansa ninyong mabuhay nang matagal."
"Unfortunate," I chuckled. Tinulak ko ang sarili pasandal sa wall habang nakaharap sa rehas. "I thought I heard you say that to live is to suffer. How come those who passed away are the unfortunate ones, then?"
"Because..." She swallowed. The light emanating from her hand reflected in her eyes as they stared at me. "They don't have a chance to do anything anymore. Just because you are suffering now doesn't mean you are suffering forever."
"How long is forever?" I asked. "I have been suffering for a decade now."
"When did you even acknowledge your sufferings, Lord Oscar? Sa loob ba ng isang dekada, ni isang beses ba ay naglakas-loob kang harapin ito?"
Natulala ko sa kanya at hindi nakasagot.
"Do you think ignoring something will help you forget it?" she shook her head. "You are just wasting time. You have to take a stand and decide. Acknowledge your pain, feel it, then do something."
"I-I don't know what to do."
Tuluyan nang namatay ang ilaw sa kanyang palad. Nagdilim ang paligid. Gano'n pa man ay malinaw sa aking mga mata na nakatitig sa akin si Brienne.
