Of Regrets And Second Chances

5.Of Love And A New Family (Pt.1)

1.

Clarke didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave, at all. She scoffed, tears in her eyes. She turned to Lexa, who was desperately trying to feed a really too lively Madi. Clarke sensed a lump in her throat. She thought back at the day she had met Madi. She was threatening Lexa with a knife when the child had entered the room. That night, when the two young women had talked and explained themselves, both asking for forgiveness to each other with nothing but the wish for a fresh start, Clarke had promised Lexa she would have never left. And now she was there, forced to break her promise.

"Ai don't want disha!" Madi exclaimed, bringing her back to reality.

"Choj op Madi, beja." Lexa pleaded the child, a spoon full of soup in her hand. The toddler shook her head and pouted, glaring at the woman.

"You love this soup, it's your favorite."

"No!" Madi shouted and folded her arms. Lexa sighed and dropped the spoon into the dish, defeated. Clarke had never seen her like that. She had never seen her giving up.

"Defeated by an almost three years old girl, not bad." she mocked her, smirking. Lexa scoffed and snapped her tongue.

"Mockery..."

"I already know, Lex." Clarke stopped her to say that phrase for the umpteenth time. "But I love doing it.". Lexa rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed, and gazed at Madi. The child looked so strange that day, both sad and angry. She had never thrown a tantrum for the food before.

"What's up, sweetheart?" Clarke asked her, concern in her voice. "Are you sick? Does your tummy hurt, honey?". Madi glared at her and the woman jerked, not expecting such a reaction from the toddler.

"Madi, what..." Clarke attempted to say, slowly reaching out, but the child started to cry all of a sudden.

"Hey, hey, what's the problem? What's going on, sweetheart?" Lexa asked the toddler, taking her between her arms.

"Nomon!" Madi sobbed against her chest. She hadn't stopped calling her that way and Lexa couldn't deny she loved when she did it. She felt like she could have the chance to build her own family and live her own life, despite everything and everyone, despite Titus, despite her being the Heda. However, she knew the truth. She wasn't Madi's mother. She would have never been.

"Carke wants to go away.". Both the two women froze. Madi had probably eavesdropped them discussing about Clarke's need to leave Polis. Lexa turned facing the blonde, who was struggling not to burst into tears. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out of it, just a strangled sob full of grief, regret, sadness, hopelessness. She was about to caress Madi's hair, but then retreated her hand and stood up from the chair.

"It's better I go looking for Octavia. We need to collect all our stuff.". Lexa just nodded, without saying anything. And when Clarke left the room she felt nothing but pure emptiness.

________________

When Clarke entered her room, Keira was awake, even if a bit sore. Her ribs were slowly healing and she had to stay in bed all day, not able to stand on her feet due to the broken bones and all the wounds caused by the guards who had caught her. Lexa and Clarke had decided to let her stay in the blonde's room for now, so she could have all the space and the comfort she needed. Keira had bonded a lot with her and the two got along well with each other. Not that the girl didn't like Lexa, quite the contrary instead. However, she still didn't fully trust her, maybe unconsciously considering her a danger for Madi's future because of her status of Heda and her sister being a nightblood.

"Hey." Clarke greeted her, seeing her she wasn't sleeping.

"Hey." Keira replied, waving her hand. Clarke sat next to her and caressed her hair. There were still small cuts on her face, but they were healing too. She was less pale and looked decisively better, healthier.