I LOVE YOU SO || PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS¹

11.

"TIME AND TIME AGAIN..."

---¤☆¤---

Dear Mom,

My name is Natasha Bonnie Addams. But, you probably already knew that already. The last time you saw me was when I was born, fourteen years ago. My birth certificate says I was 9lbs, 6 oz and 21 inches. A lot has changed since then. I am now fourteen years old, no longer a newborn. I'm now a proud 5' 2" and a amazing hide-and-seek champion.

I attend Icahn Charter School in the Bronx. During the summer and spring break, sometimes the winter too, I used to go to Camp Half-blood. I'd stay in the Hermes cabin, as you hadn't claimed me yet. Something that still upsets me, even now.

I made a lot of friends there though. My best friend Walter, he's a son of Dionysus. Travis and Connor, they're the sons of Hermes. And Luke, he's the son of Hermes, he was head counselor. A part of me is grateful for going there, I would have never met my friends if it wasn't for you. But, it doesn't excuse how crappy of a Mom you've been. ( And you've been a very crappy one )

But, the reason I am writing this letter to you is to say goodbye. I'm planning on joining Dad in California. I don't plan on going back to Camp Half-blood anymore. I don't plan on dealing with that part of my life anymore. I've decided that I'm a better fit in the mortal realm than in Camp and the demigod world. I want to live a normal life. One where I don't wait for you. One where I am not putting my self worth on you.

I am sure that you love me⎯I hope that you do. But, my dad still loves you. I think he will always love you. It's something I can't change. But, what I can change is myself. I can choose to wait for you. Or I can move on. I want to move on. That's why I am saying goodbye.

So, Mom, whoever you are. I want you to know that I don't love you anymore. Even though we share the same blood, the same last name, it doesn't mean I have to love you. It doesn't mean I have to look past all of your fuck-up's. You're not entitled to me just because you gave birth to me. You're not entitled to anything. I don't owe you a thing.

I hope that one day, when you finally realize you have a kid, you know that I made myself better because of myself. I didn't do it for you. I did it for me. You can't claim it was your amazingness that made me do it, I did it for myself. 

Sincerely,

Natasha B. Addams

⎯¤♆¤⎯

Crumbling the piece of paper into a ball, she chews on her bottom lip, picking at the skin with her teeth. Was she really going to do this? Looking at her Dad for support, he nods his head, throwing in his own letter. The flames instantly chewed up the paper. Taking a deep breath, she throws the ball of paper into the pit, watching as it is engulfed in flames.

Flickers of blue, red, orange all mixing together into a beautiful blur of color. Her hands drop to her side, her nerves picking up in her chest. What if her Mom gets really mad about it? What if she's deeply offended by it? What if she's pissed enough to spite her? Would she spite her Dad too?

"Do you think she'll be mad at me for this?" She questions out loud.

"She can't be. You're at least telling her why. If she can't accept that, then that's her problem." He argues, shaking his head.

"Yeah, but she's one of the Olympians. They're very temperamental. They don't take kindly to people doing stuff like this." She argues, regret seeping in.

"I know your Mother. She will accept how you feel. She will be fine."

She doesn't believe him. Sure, her Dad 'knew' her Mother. But, did he really know her? Did he even know that she was a goddess? Did he even know that she was going to abandon them? How could he be so sure that she gave him a 'real' name? Everything could have been a lie. None of it could have been real. It could have been one big manipulative lie, and he just didn't know it yet.

Letting the silence linger, she swallows the lump in her throat, staring down at the flames. A small voice in the back of her head whispering, Would her Mother still love her? Even after all of this? Did she burn all of her bridges? Was it too late?  Digging her nails into the palm of her hand, she steals a glance at her Dad, noticing the few tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Do you think she loves me, Dad?" She questions, "Even after what I've done?"

"She does, I know it. Besides, if she didn't⎯which is not the truth⎯she'd have done something by now. She'll love you even more for wanting to better yourself." He argues, shaking his head.

"But, I feel like this is all my fault. Like I've pushed you to do this." She argues, sucking on the inside of her cheek.

"It's not, I'm doing this willingly. And it's the laws of Olympus that are why things are the way they are." He argues, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Nodding her head at his words, they didn't make her feel the least bit better, she still felt like shit. Was that supposed to be normal? It couldn't be normal. Whenever she ranted to Dr Gibson about this kind of stuff, she just felt bliss, like a weight had just been pulled off her. She could breathe again. But talking to her Dad about this, it felt like pulling out needles from her skin. One by one. It was painful. 

"Your a good kid, Natasha. You remember that." 

"I will." She nods. 

Biting down on her tongue hard, she lets the silence envelope them, the crackling of fire being the only sound between them. Turning her eyes away from her Dad, she watches the flames, watches as they happily dance around the fireplace. Lowering her eyes to the pile of ashes, the few charred scraps of their letters staring back at her. 

She couldn't make out the writing anymore. But, she knew that it had to be what she had written down. The taunting words of, 'Goodbye Mom'  and 'You're not entitled to me'  glaring back at her. Like the words were mocking her for what she was doing. Saying, 'Are you sure about this?' 

"If things were different in Olympus, do you think that we could've been a real family?" She whispers.

He doesn't respond for a second, just stares into the fire. And the silence leaves plenty of time for her mind to spiral. Like a thousand overlapping voices and the most clear one kept on chanting, 'Did I take it too far?'. 

"I..I don't, Natasha." He sighs, "I don't really know.."

+++++

And I am done with the chapter! Stay safe out there guys!

I hope you all are doing okay emotionally and physically! I love you all!

I hope that you are enjoying the book so far! A quick reminder to comment below about the story of what you think so far.