I LOVE YOU SO || PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS¹

11.

"SO BAD ABOUT ME..."

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The infirmary was filled with loud wails of pain, followed by hushed whispered words of comfort. The wails were loud enough to make anyone passing by flinch. They were the kind of wails you would hear in the movies, where the main character would come home after their journey and see what was left of their loved ones. They'd fall to their knees let out a gut wrenching wail. One so full of pain that it made you tear up. Maybe even turn off the TV all together.

It almost didn't sound real. Why would there be wails like that coming from the infirmary? But, it was real. Sometimes ambrosia and nectar couldn't heal all wounds. Yes, they were half-bloods. They had faint gold anchor flowing through their veins. But, there was still the mortal part in them. The part where they couldn't walk it off. Where the pain was real and it lasted for a while.

Ask any Apollo kid about a broken nose and they'd say, 'A broken nose could heal in a few days, with a little help from some ambrosia to speed it up.' They'd maybe throw in, 'Even when it heals, there's a lingering pain. Almost like the mortal part of you is trying to catch up with the god in you.'

Ask them about a broken knee and they'd say, 'A broken knee? It would take weeks to heal, even after taking ambrosia. You'd have to sit back and give it time. Let nature take its course. Then, it should heal quicker. The key was to not mess with the healing process because when you do, it only makes things worse.'

It only proves the point that even though they were half god, there was still the half mortal part to them. The part where they weren't invincible. The part where they could easily get injured or die. That part where they made many flaws. The part where they felt so many emotions all at once⎯and sometime none at all. They were still mortal at the end of the day. It was a part of them. Something they could never take away. 

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Clutching onto his shirt, she didn't care if she looked weak or if anyone was going to spread rumors about her, she just wanted to be held. Months and months of waiting⎯all for nothing. When was it going to be enough? When was anything she did gonna be considered enough for her to be claimed? What more did she have to do? Burying her head into his shirt, he gently pets her hair, muttering small words of comfort under his breath. His touch was so gentle it almost made her fall asleep. Key word, almost.

"It's okay. Your'e gonna be okay. You just need to take some deep breaths and calm down." He whispers, making her bottom lip tremble.

"I⎯I did everything right. I followed the rules. I prayed every night.." She whispers, tears falling. "Why⎯Why hasn't she claimed me? Did I miss something?"

"I..I don't know, Natasha. Sometimes parents are just the worst. But, you can't let it upset you every time." He whispers, trying to comfort her.

Was she really that bad? Yeah, she wasn't the best at school⎯She barely passed most of her classes, but after her Dad tutoring her on late nights, she was barely able to passing grade. Yeah, she had a bit of a temper on her⎯She couldn't help it at times, she just got so angry. And yeah, she tended to do things impulsively⎯She couldn't help it at times, it was just like her body would do before her mind could catch up and stop her.

But, was it that bad? Bad enough for her Mom to not want to claim her? Was everyone around her lying whenever she asked if she was a bad kid? Was it all a lie? More tears fill her eyes as her thoughts grow more and more darker, how was she supposed to move on from this? How was she supposed to handle this? It wasn't fair. She did her best, why wasn't that enough?

"Am I that bad, Chiron?" She asks, her bottom lip trembling. "Am I that bad of a kid?"

He doesn't answer her question, just wipes the tears from her eyes.

"I try so hard to be good⎯to do good and sometimes I can't help it. I don't mean to do it on purpose." She whimpers, "Is that why she doesn't want me? Because I'm just that bad? I'm that much of an embarrassment?"

"It's not your fault, Natasha." He shakes his head.

"Then why won't she claim me?! I don't understand!" She snaps, "If I did nothing wrong, why won't she claim me?!"

"Just calm down, Natasha."

Shoving him away from her, the tears in her eyes stopped falling, frustration and anger filling her. If she wasn't the problem, why hasn't her Mom claimed her? She had months to do it. For fuck's sake, she had years to give a sign that she knew she existed! But, why didn't she do it? Why was Chiron making excuses for her? Why? Gripping tightly at her hair, her nails dig into her scalp, her anger growing and growing.

If she did nothing wrong, why hasn't her Mom claimed her? Why? Covering her ears, she could still hear Chiron speaking, telling her to calm down. That she did nothing wrong. That it was just going to take a little longer. That, that's how things were unfortunately. Shutting her eyes tightly, she rocks herself back and forth, trying to block him out. She didn't want to hear his bullshit. She just wanted a real answer.

"Don't try to make me feel better by lying to me. I'm not stupid like the other kids!" She bellows, "I'm not gonna believe every stupid lie you spout out, to make us feel better about our parent's being dicks!"

"Natasha!"

"No! Just shut up! Shut up!" She shouts, "Leave me alone! Leave me alone!"

Why? Why was he still making excuses for her Mom? She was a jerk. She lead her on and just disappointed her⎯over and over again. Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she shrugs it away, not wanting to be touched. All Chiron did was lie. He lied about her Mom caring about her. A real Mom wouldn't hurt her like this. A real Mom was kind and would actually be there for her. A real Mom wouldn't ignore her. A real Mom wouldn't make her suffer for as long as she has.

"Just leave me alone." She begs, her bottom lip trembling. 

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And I am done with the chapter! Stay safe out there guys!

I hope you all are doing okay emotionally and physically! I love you all!

I hope that you are enjoying the book so far! A quick reminder to comment below about the story of what you think so far.