Formula Short Stories And Stuff

CL lovebombs 🎶

Inspired by Nessa Barrett's song Lovebombs

Warning:blood, mention of a passing friend

She was crying. She couldn't even see in front of her but she could feel his presence there. Glass was shattered across the floor and she wiped her eyes with her hands. She look at his feet, not even able to look into his eyes. It wasn't his fault, she saw pure red and lost it. It wasn't his fault she kept saying to herself over and over. She crouched down and began to pick up the pieces of glass. Her fingers stung as they pierced her skin and small drops of blood fell to the ground. She felt his hands grab her arms trying to stop her from picking them up but she gained strength and continued to clean.
She stood up shaking and took the pieces she had and tossed them into the bin. Her fingers were red and the glass was smeared with blood but she knew that this was her mistake to fix.
She stood over the sink and let cold water wash the red away. She felt his arms around her waist. She rested her head back but not enough to fully let herself indulge.
"I'm so sorry" is the only thing that left her lips
"Mom amour, Please you need to let me help you" he whispered back softly.
She knew it was true but she didn't want him to have to put his life and his time and his effort into her own struggles. She had lost so many things. So many out of her control. But losing her was the final straw.
She got the call. Her friend had passed unexpectedly. Her parent sent their condolences and her friends parents called to share the news and grief and that she was invited to say goodbye.
When she went to say goodbye she felt nothing. Completely empty. She had gone alone, flew in just for the day. Charles was away racing and she didn't want to stay with her parents after and mope. She came, said her goodbyes and laid her beautiful friend to rest.
She went back on the plane, she still felt nothing. She was sad sure and she was sad for her friends family but she couldn't seem to cry, she couldn't even fake it.
Charles had called and asked if she wanted him to come home and be with her but she declined and told him it was best if he focused on his job.
She returned home from the airport. She should be tired and starving but still absolutely nothing. She sat at the kitchen table for a moment. All she wanted was to just feel something.
It seemed like she sat there for days. It had been hours but time was not relevant anymore.
While she sat the nothing turned to sadness and the sadness turned to anger. Not anger at anyone in specific per say but anger for not being able to feel anything. She felt her skin crawl and her forehead get hot. Her eyes got blurry and she saw red.
She had gotten what she wanted, to finally feel something, but at what cost. She stood for a moment. Looked around. The room became clouded by her tears, she was desperate for anything. She hadn't remembered Charles was due home that day. It was the furthest thing from her mind. She looked around again. Needing to scream or to lash out of something. So she grabbed the beautiful vase on the table filled with bright colored flowers and threw it to the ground. Bright colored glass flew through the air and shattered across the floor. The flowers losing petals on their way to hit the floor.
It felt good. Really good. She grabbed a plate and threw it at a wall. That too shattered. At this point she was so manic she couldn't hear the door open and Charles walk in to only see the horrific sight in front of him. His girlfriend, the love of his life, his cœur surrounded by shattered belongings and water from the vases. He walked over to her slowly. Not to startle her. He had never seen her like this before. He understood pain well, almost too well. After losing Jules and His father and Anthonie, he knew enough about pain and grief for many lifetimes. He usually was the type to keep his sadness in. He raced for Jules and his father and Anthonie. All in their memory. He wasn't shown crying on TV and he always looked up after a win or a podium to thank those who looked down on him. He had never seen Celeste cry like this. Or look so broken. He was there when they put her childhood cat down and sure she cried and was sad but this was more than sad, this was a deep, gut wrenching experience.
Celeste felt fingers brush her arm softly and she turned out of instinct to see Charles looking at her with worry and sorrow and pain in his eyes. It took her a moment to realize it was him. She hadn't even know he had come in. Her mind was still on fire and her hands shook as he slowly glided his fingers over her arms. It was a feeling, something grounding to her.
When she woke from her trance of sorts she couldn't help but look around at the mess she made. Horrified and embarrassed and shocked. She had barely even known she did that. She remembers throwing the vase but in front of her lie broken frames and photos, plates and papers swept off the counters onto the floor. Glass and water and flower petals scattered in front of her and a small hole in the wall where she must have thrown something.
She looked up at Charles in horror. She ripped her arms out of his touch and backed away from him slowly.
"I'm sorry I'm so sorry" she barely could get out. Her eyes wide like a deer in headlights.
"Mon coeur it's okay, you're okay" he whispered back. Still hoping to not startle her. She knelt to the ground and began picking up pieces of the broken world in front of her. Charles ran over to her to tell her to stop and that he would grab a broom and a dustpan but her body was on autopilot. She picked up glass until her fingertips were numb from little cuts and her palms were filled with wet and bloody glass. He ran over and grabbed a broom. He swept up pieces while she threw the things she had in her hands away. He waited for her hands to be empty before he grabbed her and took her over to the sink. He ran the water until it was warm and inspected her hands for glass before slowly guiding them to the warm water. It stung and she flinched. Charles took a moment to wash them. Softly touching her hands and rubbing her fingers until the water ran clear. She didn't dare look up at him. He dried them off. Sat her on the counter and went to grab antibacterial cream. He came back and softly rubbed it onto her hands and fingers. For bigger cuts he placed a bandaid over them. She finally looked into his gorgeous eyes. She saw the sadness and disappointment. This had hurt him more than it hurt her. To see his love so lost and alone and in pain and not know how to help.
They looked at each other for a moment before tears fell from her eyes. They ran down her cheeks and off her chin, landing in her lap and on his hands that were holding hers. She leaned forwards and rested her head on his shoulder. He let her cry for a moment.
She pulled her head back up. Looking into his eyes she felt embarrassed and a little empty.
"Charles I'm so sorry you should have never seen that, I'm so sorry I hurt you and ruined things and I didn't even know I did it and I couldn't stop and you didn't have to help me and I'm so sorry I should clean up and leave and I'm so so" she mumbled out all at once and in broken parts.
Charles heart broke when he heard her words and he put his fingers to her face to quiet her and ground her once more.
"You suffered loss and pain and grief my love. I am not mad or upset with you and I don't want you to leave I just want you to be safe and okay. I can't watch you hurt like this. I don't like to see you bleed and cry. It breaks my heart. I would never ask you to leave when it's clear you just need someone. I would clean up after you a million times from the earth to the moon and all the stars. I just want to be there with you when you are down so you know you are not alone." He whispered back to her.
She felt his breath and his words hit her face softly and she leaned forward again to cry into his shoulder once more.
"I never deserved someone like you Charles. You are all that is good in the world and you deserve nothing but that in return and I am emotional and sad and damaged goods. I am not what you deserve. You should be with someone who leaves light where they walk and has magic in their steps and is everything free and easy in the world. I am not free and easy. I am messy and lonely and I do not carry magic with me. I'm sorry Charles I am so so sorry" she whispered back into his shoulder.
He waited a moment and then pulled away.
"You are all the good and light in the world to me"
He grabbed her hands and led her to their room. He grabbed her some comfortable clothes and helped her wash her face and brush her teeth. They lay down together, he held her close to his chest and she felt the beating of his steady heart. He fell asleep not long after, exhausted from the weekend and coming home to this. It all hit his body and once and he was out like a light.
When Charles woke up he felt the bed cold next to him. Panic and nerves and dread hit him all at once. He climbed out of bed and ran into the kitchen. The room was clean, the floors perfectly swept and the hole in the wall gone, the dishes done and everything in order like there hadn't been a storm of emotions and glass all over. He ran into the bedroom again and his heart dropped when he saw only his own things in the closet. He knew what had probably happened but he wanted to hold out hope. Maybe she needed a new wardrobe, and maybe she got someone to clean and fix. Maybe she got all her things cleaned at once or she donated things. She hadn't left. He ran around the place they once called theirs and each room he entered he was met with only his own possessions.
He wanted to collapse on the floor and sob. How could he be so foolish? How had he slept through her going? Wasn't he enough to make her stay?
He shuffled to the bedroom and fell onto the bed in a pile. Suddenly a piece of paper crinkled next to him and he picked it up realizing it was a note. A note from you. The answers or the truth or something he could use to find you.
He grabbed his glasses on the side table and began to read.

Dearest Charles
I am so sorry. I owe you an apology and answers and closer and I'm not sure I can give that to you yet.
The only way I could go was when you were sleeping because I knew that if I looked into your eyes I would never have the courage.
You were one of the only people I let see me at my lowest but yesterday was not my lowest. Yesterday was a nightmare and far below what I even imagined my lowest would be. You saw me with nothing. I had lost myself so badly I hadn't even realized what I had done. If I can do that without knowing I know you are not safe from me. I need time to heal and grieve and find myself again and trust myself to be safe around others. Like I said last night, you deserve the Milky Way and far beyond. All the gold and diamonds and love and support the world has to offer and I can not give that to you right now. Last night was scary. I hurt you when I had only meant to try and feel something. Only meant to hurt me but instead I broke your heart and mine along with it. I am a horrible person for doing that to you when you have been nothing but the most amazing person I have ever come to know.
I hope everything is clean and the wall will be okay and I hope it looks okay. I'm sorry for going I just can't be around you knowing I could hurt you physically or emotionally without even knowing. I will love you no matter where I am in the world and what I am doing. I have lost a lot recently, her and my mental state and you. I can't keep losing. But I am at peace knowing you are safe and you will move on. I hope you think of me as a fond memory and when you are ready to let me go. I can not do you anymore damage my love.
Please move on and don't come looking for me or bother my family or friends for where I am. You will always get the same answer. Just know I am safe and hoping to find my own peace, my own love again. I hope you love again.
Maybe one day we will see each other again in a distant dream and we will get to live our happily ever after but for now I can feel okay knowing I have made you safe and given you freedom.
Your brightest star in the Milky Way, your love, your heart
Celeste
PS. I will see you soon