Clato: Cuts Beneath the Surface

Chapter 54

I wake up.

I wake up. I am alive. And that means Cato isn't. He's dead. After everything I did to try and save him, he's dead. Those bastards let him die. Sitting up violently, I cause my vision to twist and curve dangerously. When it stops I see that I am in a private hospital room, painted white. I am in the Capitol. I made it out of the Arena and Cato didn't.
"I'm gonna kill you all!" I scream, thrashing against the wires connecting me to the bed. The IV in my arm rips out, spattering blood. "I'm gonna kill every last one of you!" I rage. Then I just scream endlessly.

A doctor races into the room. "I will murder you!" I shriek at him. He could have saved Cato. He could have saved the boy I....the boy who saved me. The doctor looks terrified and leaves, only to return minutes later with Enobaria and Brutus in tow. I must look like a lunatic in my white hospital gown, hair everywhere, blood spattered on my wrist. I thrash against my restraints again, snapping two of them.

"I will kill you!! I shout at Enobaria and Brutus. They stand there staring at me, looking shocked and pitying. How dare they feel pity for me. They are the ones who caused my pain. "You killed him! You let him die! Why couldn't you save him instead and let me die? It would have been better if you'd let me die!" I can't stop hot tears from trickling down my face.

"As you can see," the doctor tells Brutus, "she's suffered severe psychological trauma. Are you sure it isn't better to tell--"

"We cant." snaps Brutus and they both fall silent.

Enobaria comes closer as I rage. Then she does something utterly unexpected. She leans down and hugs me, very gently. I let her. Putting my head in her shoulder I sob, "You should have let me die." She holds me comfortingly but it doesn't penetrate the ice forming around my heart.

"I'm sorry Clove," she whispers and her voice breaks, "I'm so sorry."

--------------

It has been 4 days since I left the Arena. Four days since they took Cato from me. I don't know how but I will make them all pay. Enobaria and Brutus tell me I have won. They tell me Cato died before the hovercraft could get to us. They tell me how sorry they are, how proud of me they are. They tell me I will be announced as the Victor tonight, that Nef will be here soon to dress me up for the interview. I will have to appear in front of the Capitol. I will have to appear grateful. After Enobaria explains this to me, she leaves my hospital room. Brutus gives me a sad look and follows her.

They let me go free but I am too tired to fight anyone right now. All the energy has been sapped out of me. A running list of things I am sorry about plays in my head. I'm sorry I couldn't save Cato. I'm sorry I lived. I'm sorry I have to go back to district 2 without him. I'm sorry that Scarlet has lost her brother forever. I'm sorry we will never get to find out what exactly Cato and I were to each other...what we could have been. I don't even know what I felt for him, I just know that it hurts. Him being gone physically hurts me more than any wound ever could.

I haven't said a word since I told Enobaria I wanted to die. I don't intend to. I am done speaking because there is no one left to listen. I sit staring into space as Nef comes in. He looks the same as before, purple hedgehog hair sticking up, gold ring around his lip. "Congratulations!" He cries, "I am so happy to see you again." I don't move. I continue to stare blankly at the wall. "Clove?" He asks, picking up that something is wrong. "How are you feeling?" I don't respond. "What about a hug, can I have a nice big hug?" I don't even look at him. Nef's face falls.

"Let's get you fixed up then honey, maybe it will make you feel better." It doesn't. Nef takes special care to be gentle with me today. He leaves the room to let me change but I have lost the will to do anything. I sit there and don't respond when he knocks. Nef is forced to dress me, like a child. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. When Nef finishes he drags me to the mirror. I am in a blood red dress with a huge ball gown skirt. The top is skin colored with red flowers artfully winding their way up and along my arms. Nef has done my makeup bold with deep red eyeshadow and lipstick accompanied by heavy black mascara. My hair is done in its trademark chignon.

Enobaria and Brutus come to collect me. They bring Cordelia along. I stay out where I sit, staring past them as if they aren't there. Cordelia asks, "What's wrong with her?" Brutus shakes his head and murmurs to Enobaria like he thinks I can't hear him,
"I told you the Games would destroy her if she came back without him." I don't move, I don't speak.

Cordelia comes over to me. "Clove," she says in a babying voice, "It's so nice to see you. I was so happy when I heard the news, I knew all along that you would win of course." She gives me a fake smile. I don't react. I continue to stare away from her as if I am the only one in the room. "I'm very sorry to hear about Cato. He was such a good boy. But there can only be one winner." She finishes cheerfully. Ever so slowly I turn my head to face her. Staring Cordelia down with dead eyes, I hiss menacingly like the animal they all think I am. Cordelia backs away, terrified. I return to my position, giving no sign that I have moved in a thousand years.

When the time comes Brutus grabs my arm to lead me to the area beneath the stage. They will raise me up on a platform like they did to enter the arena. I wait below with Brutus. Enobaria has disappeared for some unknown reason. Brutus clears his throat. "Clove, however mad you may be I need you to listen to me. This is a matter of life and death." I turn to face him, staring with blank eyes. "The Capitol wants you to be a warrior from district two. You can't show any emotion. Do you understand? You can't have a heart. So if anything happens, for the love of God Do not react. Or you will kill us all." That doesn't sound so bad, I think. But deep down I know it is not Brutus and Enobaria I am angry at. I nod once and Brutus lets out a breath.

He helps me fit my giant dress into the tube. I panic as it closes. Brutus presses his hand to the glass and I put my there as well. "it's not the games." I hear him mouth. It suddenly occurs to me that he went through this too.

I rise up and come to a halt on the same stage we had tribute interviews on. There is a massive crowd of Capitol people cheering. Bright lights blind me. Caesar's voice penetrates the noise. "Please welcome the victors of the 74th Hunger Games!" I look to my left, last Caesar to the opposite end of the stage. I see him.

Cato.
Cato.
Cato.

He's alive! I have never been happier in my entire life to see him. Cato looks up and sees me. His skin is sunken and sallow, his eyes are red and he looks as though he hasn't slept for days. He looks exactly as awful as I felt when I thought he was dead. But how? I don't care. Cato's face lights up when he sees me and it is as if the sun never shone until this moment. My heart leaps in my chest. I want to run to him and throw my arms around him. But then I remember what Brutus said. He knew, they all knew. I am too happy to be angry. Cato is alive!

Fighting the urge to run with every fiber of my being, I walk quickly towards Cato. My dress swishes around me. I need to know that he's real. I need to know this isn't a dream. Finally, finally, finally, Cato and I reach each other. I can't help but hug him. He is solid and perfect and real beneath my hands, smelling of chocolate and pine and the boy who calls me Clover. His hands grip me tightly and for a split second I allow myself to let all the people watching fade away and be happy.

"Thank God you're alive." Cato whispers.

"You kept your promise," I all but sob. Then we draw back, with schooled faces. I know he got the same talk from Enobaria as I did Brutus. I put some distance between Cato and I. We sit on opposite ends of the couch to answer Caesar's questions. We tell Caesar we are happy to have both survived. I say I am thankful Cato saved me from Thresh. Cato says I was a valuable ally. Our voices are dead and heartless. We are forced to watch a recap of the games and describe how "wonderful" it felt to gut these other children. Yet no matter how hard we try, we can't seem to stop smiling.

A/N ATTENTION! There will be 3 more chapters after this and then a sequel! I will release the title of the sequel after the last chapter. Comment and Vote! I hope you are as excited as I am for the ending and the next book!
P.S. the picture above is Clove's dress but the person is not supposed to look like her.