After being given a second chance at life, Marina Cruz decides it is time for a new change. With the help of her cousin, she drops out of college, moves to another state, joins the fire academy, and becomes a firefighter at the 118.
Two years later...
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Marina was an addict. It is in some but not all addicts' wiring to be reckless, especially after recovery. She no longer had drugs, so although she knew it was not good for her, she stimulated herself with reckless behavior. It was one of the reasons why she enjoyed being a firefighter. It was also the reason why she could not seem to let go of her feelings for her best friend and coworker Evan Buckley...
At least that's what Marina's sponsor had told her when she shared what was currently happening to her. If she was being honest her sponsor, Jenna could be a bit dramatic at times but that was one of the reasons why she liked her, even though she could be too insightful when it wasn't needed.
Jenna was also another of the many people in Marina's life who kept telling her to either stop whatever she had going on with Buck or admit her feelings for him before it was too late. But as she had done with everyone else, she turned a blind eye and did not listen to her warnings until it was actually too late.
After some more insightful words from Jenna, Marina now had to try and accept something new about herself and it was the possible fact that she did not want to let go of her feelings for Buck because she wanted to feel something, even if it was painful... She forgot to mention that her sponsor was also a therapist before getting her license removed.
Jenna constantly told her that the only reason why she liked having flings and random hookups was that she was feeding her cravings with meaningless sex just for a chance to feel something even if it was just for a little while. Although she had told her this a long time ago it seemed to have finally clicked in Marina's head.
Now she was having a different crisis. Had she fallen in love with Buck? Did she just like him because of the sex? Was she just infatuated with the idea of being with him? There were so many questions running through her head as she tried to reason everything out. Maybe she liked knowing that nothing was ever going to happen between her and Buck, so she could keep her feelings to herself without being afraid of commitment.
But then these questions raised even more questions; like was she actually in love with Buck? How was she supposed to know she was in love? What even was love? The more she thought about it the more she discovered about herself as she realized for the first time that she had never in her life been in love.
When she was in high school she never dated even when she got to college. She was always too busy focusing on school and other activities. So, she never had the time for any of that. Then when she got to LA she met some guy at a bar they dated for a couple of months, and during the time that she was with him, Marina concluded that she did not want to be tied down.
That is when the flings and the one-night stands started. So now as she looks at her best friend she wonders if it's Abby who she was jealous of or if it was actually Buck. Maybe she was jealous that Buck found somebody to settle down with and experience the type of romantic feelings that Marina never had the chance to experience. That could be a possible reason why she had been torturing herself recently. But Marina could not be positive until she knew what it was to be in love.
