The French Formula (LSD, #3)

11. Message In A Bottle

Message In A Bottle

"The organization of the European Games thinks about everyone. We motivate professionals to have more fun at work, we motivate housewives to have more fun in the supermarket, we motivate children to play, and we even have a special event for the heavy people. As long as they have money to pay us, we treat everyone with respect, without discrimination. Therefore, it's a pleasure and an honour to present you the Q&A Contest, the perfect game for our oldest generation.

» To compete, each candidate has to speak Basic English, and they have to be over 65 years of age. Of course, our questions are about general topics because if we'd ask «How tall is the Eiffel Tower?», it would give an unfair advance to the French contestant. Please, welcome our 50 competitors with warm applause!"

They planned to hold the Q&A Contest in the auditorium of the local high school, but the organization decided to switch location to the Stade de Brest, where they placed 50 tables and chairs in a circle around the central circle of the football field, and where 16.000 enthusiastic supporters from everywhere (every contestant invited all hor friends and family) welcome the players. On the tones of the official hymn of the European Games, the grandpas and grandmas from all over Europe enter the field in alphabetic order of their country, waving with joy and pride on their way to their seats. The official hymn has to be restarted three times because our most experienced generation is not the fastest anymore, and those modern walking frames don't work well on the short-cut grass of a football field. The audience doesn't mind. They clap until even the slowest contestant has found her place at the table.

The host, popular Gary Lineker, explains the rules: "You all see an electronic device before you. That is called a tablet computer. No, Miss Hungary, take it out of your mouth, it's not a tablet of chocolate, you can't eat it, you touch it, with your fingers, yes, that's right... Each question will be asked by a special guest. The four possible answers will appear on the screen of your tablet. All you have to do is tap the correct answer. The computer will do the rest. Does everybody understand?"

"When do we get the chocolate?", Miss Hungary wants to know.

"You'll get lunch and a chocolate medal when this event is over.", Gary replies.

"My hands are trembling a bit. If I make a mistake, can I correct it?", Mister Albania asks.

"A good question, Mister Albania. When we ask the question, you have 10 seconds to tap the correct answer. If you make a mistake, you can use the remaining time to tap the correct one. When the 10 seconds are over, the computer records your answer, and the answers to the next question will appear on your screen. Is everything clear now? I want to present our first guest of tonight to you. He will ask a question about sports. We are proud to present you, all the way from Jamaica, the legendary winner of 9 Olympic medals [yes, we count the one that was taken from him because someone else cheated], 11 times World Champion, 6 times holder of the World Record, and officially the fastest man on earth... Usain Bolt!"

Accompanied by a standing ovation, Mister Bolt steps on the field, waves at the audience, walks to the central circle and... comes to me to shake hands with an old friend: "Hey, mon. You okay, mon?"

"I'm okay, Bob. How are you?"

Bob grins: "I'm cool, mon. They pay me 50 euros to ask one question. They think I'm me brother Usain, you know."

Gary Lineker grabs Bob by an ear and drags him to the centre: "Usain is the holder of the World Record on the 100 metres. His question is: «How long did it take Usain Bolt to run 100 metres when he set his World Record in Berlin in 2009?» The possible answers are:

» A. 9,58 seconds

» B. 9,58 hours

» C. 9,58 weeks