The French Formula (LSD, #3)

16. Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)

Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)

When the first Pillow Fights start, my teammates are happy I'm here. They think I'm good at this game. They think I know what I'm doing. How could I? I've never even seen a Pillow Fight tournament. Anyone can do a better job with one hand tied behind her back and three broken fingers on the other one. All I do is walk around with the attitude of someone who knows what he's doing, but for them, it seems to be enough.

We are lucky with the draw: the 50 competing countries have to be reduced to the 32 that play the second round. We're one of the seven teams that get a bye on the first round. It gives us the chance to look at some of the other teams, study their tactics, look at their weak points, and think about how we're going to survive in this arena.

Our opponent in the second round is Croatia. They had a bye in the first round too. We don't know anything about them, except that they are the number 15 in the ranking of the bookmakers. Rankings or charts or hit lists don't impress us. We create our own hit.

We make an entrance like this is Broadway and not the European Games. Stas and I are dressed as PDGs of MacAbre, with a yellow suit, a red wig and a white face, while the girls are dressed as Bat Woman, Cat Woman and Fat Woman, clapping and rapping and stepping. Instead of saying our names during the formal presentation before the fight starts, we sing a short a capella version of «Let Me Entertain You» while Margo and Edith dance, and Agnes makes flips.

Then the fight starts. Our Croatian rivals line up, girl – boy – girl – boy – girl. They hold the line while they attack us, but it confuses them when we don't fight back; we just defend ourselves with our shields. We keep singing, while Margo dances to the left and Edith dances to the right. Stas and I lift Agnes, 45 kilos and 1 metre 51 long, hold her tight above our head (her Fat Woman dress hides the handles perfectly) and she launches an air attack with her pillow on the undefended heads of our enemy. When they raise their defence to protect their heads, Stas and I use our pillows in our free hands to hit them on the chest. Margo and Edith come from behind and work on their backs. We win the game in less than two minutes. We go to the third round, and we all admit: this is fun.

* * *

The team of Cyprus is a different kettle of fish. They are serious, determined to win. We don't care. This time we're all dressed in a rainbow-coloured outfit and we dance. Well, I'm pretending that I dance. I don't dance and I don't sing because I can't dance and I can't sing, but I do my best to make the steps like Edith showed us: one to the left, two to the right, one-two-three-turn, and two steps back, no, I'm wrong again, turn the other way. Rostov! I feel like a clown.

Stas gives me a push in the side and Edith gives me an angry look: "You're making us look like a bunch of fools, Gregor. There are millions of people watching us. We'll start again. Try to do it right this time." She apologises to the Cyprians: "Sorry, boys, that this takes so long. I hope they can cut it out. We're not here to fight, you know. We're here to have fun. We've been working so hard to train this dance. Do you mind?"

The Cyprus team doesn't mind. Edith stands in the middle and starts again: one-two-three-turn, then step aside, then one step back, two forward...

Edith gets all the attention, which gives Agnes the chance to sneak around without being noticed. She starts jumping on the Cyprian bed. By the time Stas and I have learnt the dance, the game is over: Belarus 55 points – Cyprus 0. We won this battle without one single blow.

After the fight, Edith thanks us all with a kiss on the cheek: we gave her the chance to dance for an audience of 500 million people. This is much more than just having fun; this is making your dream come true, and we'll get one more chance to stand in the spotlights...