Until You [BL]

Chapter 13 - I know you feel it

Fallon truly wanted to run away but he forced himself to tell Ash what he feels. As he said, he wanted an honest conversation.

"Every moment of happiness I felt, I had to pay for dearly. I truly believe that the likes of me will never be truly happy. I think I deserve what happened because I dared to be happy. You see, I've been broken before, and I am not sure if I've been fixed, or I am just pretending to be okay. What I do know is that all of this will end. And when this is all over, I will pay for the happiness I had with you. When you finally leave, you will take away everything and I would have nothing, not even my heart...I will fall down again but there will be no getting up this time. I will not only hate rainy days but all the days that you are not around...I will be beyond fixing."

For a minute, Ash did not say anything. He just stared at the sea and the gloomy waves. He then bowed his head and sadly asked, "Tell me Fallon, was there ever a moment in your life after we met that I brought you happiness?"

"Of course!" Fallon immediately answered but still looking at the sea. He's sure that if he looked at Ash, he will  breakdown.

"I am always happy when you're around... I've decided to pack up my life and just live peacefully every day. But you, you always make me feel alive, in ways that I thought I will never be. You make me feel like happiness is not just a fantasy but a reality that I can touch and keep inside my heart...That is why I'm so scared, because when this is all over, everything will leave with you including the fantasy of happiness."

Ash gently grabbed Fallon's arms and made Fallon face him. He then asked, "If I've brought you happiness and made you feel alive, then why? Why would you question the sincerity of my affection? You must know it's real. You must have felt it. You must have felt the feelings I have for you.

Are you really willing to give up on us just because you're scared that all of this will end and that you will have to pay for the happiness we had? Even if that is true, that we have to pay for this happiness in the end, is it not worth it? Because to me, you are worth everything I have.

I wanted to be, still wants to be the one to break down the walls you've built around you. The one to bring back your joy of rainy days. So I am asking you right now, may I have that chance? Please?"

Fallon looked into Ash's eyes and saw the sincerity in it. He asked himself, is he really willing to give up on this?

For the longest time, Fallon cried so hard in front of anyone other than River. He was so stupid to let the past interfere with his destined happiness. And so he embraced Ash's neck with all his might and sobbed out, "I'm sorry Ash. I'm an idiot."

"No baby. Just scared and I understand."

After Fallon calmed down, Ash wiped Fallon's face which he assumes has tears mixed in the rain and lightly kissed him on the lips.

"Thank you." Ash said while bending down and looking into Fallon's eyes

***

River was worried about Fallon but Archer convinced her to let Ash talk to Fallon first. So they processed Fallon's checkout and then River dropped him off at his house before driving home.

At Ash's house, Ash and Fallon entered the doorway with Ash holding Fallon's wrist as they walk in Archer's direction. After seeing the drowned rat state of his brother and Fallon, Archer started to say, "What.." but before he can say another word, Ash raised his finger and said, "Don't ask." And they passed by Archer without another word.

Inside Ash's room, Ash handed Fallon a pair of jogger pants and a tshirt saying, "This is the smallest clothes I have. Go take a shower before you catch a cold."

Fallon nodded but also asked, "How 'bout you?"

"I'll use Archer's bathroom." Ash answered.

After Fallon washed up and changed clothes, he saw Ash sitting on the bed already done showering. Ash asked him to seat beside him by patting the place beside him on the bed. He then took the towel from Fallon's hand, sat sideways facing Fallon by raising one of his legs on the bed and helped Fallon dry his hair.

"You hungry?" Ash asked.

"Not really but I could eat."

"Let's go, I'll go cook something quick."

Ash led him to the kitchen counter and asked him to sit down while waiting. Fallon expected Ash to prepare instant noodles but was surprised when he got out a container of chopped up chicken fillet, some pre-minced garlic and leafy pechay from the fridge.

"Very nice. Archer asked our kasambahay to cook pancit this morning in an effort to entice me to eat but I was not feeling it so I declined. Archer then asked her to put the ingredients in the fridge in case I wanted to cook and eat later. "

He quickly washed and chopped the pechay. Then he took out a package of thin pancit bato from the cupboard.

While Ash is cooking, Fallon watched the raindrops that's crisscrossing on the glass sliding door of the kitchen. It's still raining outside and Fallon tried to assess his emotion. The rain outside may not bring him joy this time but it also does not seem to prompt tears. He felt peace this time.

In no time it seems, Ash placed a plate of saucy pancit in front of him. They ate at the counter while Ash feeds him from time to time.

That night he slept beside Ash and it was the most peaceful sleep he had in a while. But morning came quickly and though he is happy to wake up in Ash's arms, he's also embarrassed of the thing that woke him up. Fallon thoughts were: 'It's poking me! What shall I do?'

"I'd like to apologize and say, it's because it is morning but I don't think that's the only reason for my morning wood." Ash whispered above him

Fallon pushed him and got up. "Tsk! I'm going to the bathroom." He declared

"Aww no morning kiss baby?"

"Baby mo mukha mo!" Fallon scolded butinside he was secretly thrilled.