Before the Morning

Chapter 22 - How (Not) to Stop Having Feelings?

"Don't freak out." I warned Mani and she casually nodded her head, "I think I might have feelings for Camila."

I patiently wait for Mani to process what I just dropped on her salad and for her to say something but it's been five aching minutes and she just sat there looking at me.

"I asked you not to freak out and not sit there like a statue with no emotion."

"Oh! I am so surprised! Omg! Since when, Lauren?"

I knitted my eyebrows at Normani's mocking, "Stop fucking with me, Normani! I am currently having a life crisis here and you're definitely not helping at all!"

I let out my frustration as I threw my head back on the pillow. I'm currently hanging out with Normani in her room hoping she could help me resolve this emotional crisis that I've been dealing with for a week now. Honestly? I feel like my head is about to explode.

"I mean, what do you want me to do?"

"Help me get rid of these stupid feelings! Tell me what to do, Mani. I am so helpless right now."

I can hear the desperation in my voice and I hate it so much how much grip Camila has over me. She's making me so emotionally frustrated.

"Lauren, girl, listen to me. The more you fight those feelings, the more it will grow stronger. If you let it be, it'll still grow stronger."

"Your point is?"

"There's no escaping it. Once you fall into that love hole, it's game over."

The word "love" suddenly rings in my head, making me shoot my head up straight to look at Normani, "Wait—whoa! I never said I love her! I only said I have a stupid crush on her. Crushing someone is different from being in love! It's not like I'm gonna die without her! That's so stupid!"

"Oh, you'll get there soon girl." She told me matter of factly with a giggle in the end.

"Oh fuck that!" I exclaimed, still refusing to accept Normani's right. Eventually, I'll get there. It's like a plague. Once you're infected, it'll slowly but surely consume you entirely. But after all, we lie best when we lie to ourselves.

"There's gotta be a way, right? Because I can't! I can't have feelings for her, Mani! It is a forbidden rule of our plan, I can't like her! I'm not gonna turn into one of those guys who's helplessly and devotedly running after Camila! Never in my life I imagined joining the my heart was broken by Camila Cabello club! I was Lauren Jauregui, for god's sake! I was the one who should be chased after, not the other way around."

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing to have feelings with the ice princess."

"Camila is a walking red flag, Normani! Once she's bored, she'll toss them out like trash and then move on to the next one. But for some stupid reason, this piece of shit," I smack myself on the chest where my heart is, "Started liking her. I don't wanna get my heart broken by her, Normani. Cause that's what she does best— break hearts."

I looked completely torn in front of my best friend and she sensed that I'm in a similar situation between life and death so she did what she did best and pulled me in for a tight comforting hug.

***

Eyes, those brown eyes are dangerous. That is the fucking ultimate trap that I need to avoid. Lucky for me, I am a genius so I am prepared for this. I pulled out my dark glasses from my pocket and put them in my eyes to protect me from the virus which is Camila Cabello herself.

I approached her and once I was near her, I shut my eyes tightly.

"Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you, it's very important."