𝐋𝐎'𝐀𝐊 𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓

010

I'm Good At Letting You Go by foilagexile on tumblr

ʚ ✦ ♥︎ ∞ ☾ ɞ

summary: lo'ak experiences the stages of grief after   you disappear

It was not often that Neytiri was wrong, but this was the exception.

It will get easier, she'd whispered in his ear, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. He let his weight fall on her, returning the embrace. It will take time, but it will get easier.
Bullshit.

It'd been weeks and not once was he able to catch a break.

The ache was constant. It started the moment he saw your living space empty, besides the bedding folded neatly on the ground, and the few belongings you'd accumulated throughout your travels with his family.

A hunting knife that Jake sharpened for you when you crossed through the thick forest.

A necklace of seashells that Tuk crafted for you as the two of you laid on the beach.

Dried flowers Kirri made for you, pressed onto pages and hung on the wall.

If it weren't for those items, it'd be hard to prove you existed at all. Yet the invisible mark you left on him remained opened and untreated, a gaping and infected wound he doubted would ever close.

The sadness was first.

Drifting aimlessly on the ocean for hours, Payakan swimming languidly through the crests of the waves as they floated over the reefs and watched the seabirds dip below the surface to catch prey. He talked, aimlessly, staring up at the sky.

Mused about where you could've gone, what you were doing now, things you did that used to annoy the shit out of him but now he'd do anything to see you do again. Things like sneaking out at night to look for medicinal plants but getting sidetracked by a waterfall or glowing algae. Or how stubborn you were, though you hid it behind a shy smile and kind words. And how secretive you used to be, oversharing about certain parts of yourself to distract others from the deeper, more vulnerable parts of you that he'd only caught glimpses of.

Thinking of those things, a mantra of why did you leave why did you leave why did you leave on repeat in his mind, as if he could find the answers in the deep blue depths of the ocean, the salty spray coaxed his devastation into anger.

Fuck you.

Fuck you for leaving after convincing him he wasn't just a disappointment. Fuck you for disappearing when he'd started to rely on you, when he told you things he'd never told Kirri or Neteyam. Fuck you for making him explain to Tuk how you were never coming back. Fuck you for making him feel important and capable and then abandoning him.

At his worst, he didn't talk for two days. He had nothing to say to anyone else, just a list of the things he would say if he ever saw you again. He'd tell you–

he hated you (where did you go).

go screw yourself (why did you leave).

fuck you (come back).

His perpetual silence was something Neteyam would've commented on, some time ago.

Finally, he would've teased, I get some peace.

But his older brother only shot worried glances his way, watching Lo'ak pick around his food and glare into his plate at family dinners, which were the only time he really spent around his family (if he could help it). The rest of his time occupied by sulking in isolation, out past the reefs.