HUGE TW- this imagine contains ideas of self harm (cutting). I may mention the action of self harm, or dealing with self harm afterwards. Please do not read this imagine if it upsets you or could trigger you, it's the last thing i want, i want all of you to be safe. This purely to raise awareness for self harm and the horrible addiction it is.
Xavier's Pov
Today was Monday, and all weekend Y/n had been acting different. Something was up with her, I knew that, but I didn't want to confront her about it incase it upset her more. I know she prefers to talk to me in her own time, so I think it's best to allow her to have space and time to think.
I had Miss Thornhill first period, so I headed to class but didn't spot Y/n anywhere. I sit down at my desk, and she isn't here. Weird.
I whisper over to Wednesday 'Hey, Wednesday, you see Y/n anywhere?'. 'No, she hasn't been present all morning. I assume she is still in her dormitory'. Fuck. That means that something is 100% off, and I knew I couldn't just leave her like that. Before Miss Thornhill gets to class, I head out, and make my way to her dorm.
Once I arrive, I knock on her door. No answer. I knock again, she might've been asleep. Still no answer.
'Y/n! You in there baby?' I shout through the door, praying for a reply. Still nothing. She gave me a key to her dorm a few weeks ago, and so I take it out my pocket, and open the door.
I walk in, and it's empty. Fucking weird. 'Y/n? You here?' I say. I hear a shuffle come from the bathroom, and see that the doors shut. I walk over, and knock lightly.
'Hey, you in there?' I ask. 'Xavier go away' I hear her say. It's a relief she's here, but I'm worried about what's going in behind the door.
'Y/n my love, I just wanna make sure you're okay, are you okay?' I say gently, trying not to make her think I'm mad.
'Xavier I'm fine, please you need to go' she says, and I can tell from her voice she's been crying.
'Y/n, I can tell you're not fine, there's no kidding me. What's going on baby?'. 'Xavier please just leave me alone'. 'Baby I can't, I need to know you're safe...are you safe love?'.
There's silence for a few seconds until I hear a sniffle and a 'No'.
Oh fuck.
'Y/n my love, please let me in the bathroom okay? I think I know what's happening and I need to make sure you're okay. So please, let me in' I ask quietly, but loud enough for her to hear me.
'I'm not mad love, just please let me i-' the door clicks open.
I open the door, slowly, making sure not to scare her. I look down at the floor and see her sat in the corner, in nothing but a t-shirt and underwear.
*huge tw for the next part, please don't read if you get triggered!!!*
I look her up and down, not judgementally buy more to see if I was right about what was happening. I was.
Her face was stained with tears, and her thighs were littered with cuts, all clearly fresh. My eyes instantly filled with tears.
I sat down next to her, gently pulling her into me.
'I'm so so sorry love. I wish I could take this away from you I really do. I'm so sorry. I want you to know that I'm not mad or angry or disappointed at all okay? I never will be. I'm just very worried about you baby, and right now my number one concern is you, and making sure you're okay and safe' I say quietly in her ear, rubbing her arm.
'I'm sorry Xavier. I promise I tried so so hard to not do it again, but I just couldn't. I'm s-'. 'Stop it baby, you don't need to apologise. I love you so much, I just wanna make sure you're okay' I stop her from apologising.
I stand up, and she clings on to me, as if she doesn't want to let me go. She looks up at me, tears in her eyes and looks scared as ever before.
'Hey hey, I'm not going anywhere, I'm just grabbing some stuff out the cupboard to clean you up okay?' I say and she nods, and I walk over to the cupboard. She clings onto my hand however, refusing to let me go.
I grab the first aid kit one handed and come back down the floor, this time sitting in front of her, facing her.
I open the box and grab a few antiseptic wipes out, and open one.
'Okay baby, this is gonna sting quite a lot okay? Hold onto my arm whilst I wipe your thigh up okay?' I tell her, and she gently grabs my arm, ready for me to start.
I place the wipe on her skin, on the wounds and gently, very gently, wipe them clean. The last thing I want is to hurt her even more.
She winces and tightens her grip slightly on my arm, pressing her forehead against my shoulder.
'M'sorry love, I'm almost done okay?'.
I finish wiping the cuts, making sure to get any dried blood off her leg too.
I take out a bandage from the box, opening the wrapper. I raise her leg to rest on mine, and then start to wrap the bandage around her thigh, making sure to cover all the cuts.
'That's not too tight is it?'. She shakes her head no, and I then put the box back into the cupboard above the sink.
I turn back to her, to see her crying again, biting her lip to try and keep in her sobs.
I walk back over to her, lifting her arms around my neck and lifting her up, wrapping her legs around my waist and holding her up.
'It's okay my love, I promise. You're gonna be okay' I say, walking her out the bathroom.
I walk over to her bed, going to lay her down, but she clings to me like a koala.
I take that as she doesn't want me to put her down, and so I walk around the room, bouncing her up and down almost like a baby, as she sobs into my chest. I whisper sweet nothings in her ear, telling her I love her over and over again.
'I love you so much Xavier, please promise me you're never gonna leave me, please Xavier' she pleads. 'I'm never, ever going to leave you Y/n. I love you way too much to ever do that to you baby' I say, rubbing her back and still bouncing her.
She eventually calms down, and I hear soft little snores come from under my head. I look down and see her face all smushed up against me, her tears still stained on her cheeks. I kiss her forehead, and lay us down with her still wrapped around me.
I wish I could take all this pain away from her.
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Self harm is a very touchy topic for me as i struggle with it myself, so I hope i depicted this well. This how I would want my s/o to deal with this, so thats how i wrote it.
If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm, please reach out or find the help you need. Online you can find helplines and websites that can help you. Much love 🫶
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