Fight For You | Eren X Reader

28 | Without You

content warnings; none.

songs I listened to for this chap;
tv- billie eilish
die first- nessa barrett
apocalypse- cigarettes after sex

I woke up groggy and regretful. The thoughts of Jean ate me alive last night, to the point I coerced myself to sleep. Even at that, I felt guilty for allowing myself to even sleep to begin with. I couldn't help, but to feel like I was the monster, that I was a killer—that Jean's blood were on my hands.

I checked my phone, only to see that I was blocked from everyone—aside from Historia, Hanji, Annie, and Armin. I closed my eyes, feeling monstrous and abhorrent. The ones I called my friends, the only other people that I had in my life now, despise me with everything within them.

I faintly cried and threw my phone across the room.

What have I done?

School was the last thing on my mind, but I needed some sort of distraction. Otherwise, I was going to go insane. I dreadfully gotten out of bed and put on my uniform. I went to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror.

The purple bags underneath my eyes were prominent, my hair was disheveled, my eyes were bloodshot red and my skin was ghastly. I did my morning routine anyway and made my way downstairs to head to school. 

"Morning." Eren mumbled, his voice sounding quite hoarse. His hair was messier than mine and he looked undeniably tired.

"Sleep at all?" I questioned, skipping the breakfast that were plated on the table.

"I couldn't and probably won't for awhile." He answered, playing with the fork on his plate and looking through what seemed to be a picture book.

"What are you looking at?" I asked, walking towards the table and taking a seat next to him.

"Memories." He replied monotonously, as he lowered his inanimate eyes. He pushed the book towards me, allowing me to flip through the laminated pages. There were countless pictures of him and Jean smiling, laughing, and playing around. There were even pictures of them when they were much younger.

"That picture right there," He pointed, "That little asshole pushed me down a slide that day and I ended up spraining my wrist." He stated, managing to plaster a smile on his face.

"You guys really were brothers." I chuckled, scrutinizing each and every picture. They looked so buoyant, with not a care in the world. It could've been that way again, only if I didn't show up.

He nodded, "We got into an altercation before and I told him that I had gotten rid of these pictures and that I hated him—but the truth is, I never did. Even when I pushed him away, there was never a day when I didn't look through them." He responded, holding back the tears in his eyes.

"He knows you loved him, even when you didn't show it." I said, grabbing his hand delicately. Eren smiled, as two tears fell down his rosy cheeks. He lifted up my hand and pecked it gently with his tepid lips.

"(Y/N)," He called out, his tone promptly changing, "Are you sure you want to go to school today?" He queried with worrisome.

I nodded, "I'll be fine, Eren. It won't do me any good staying inside, just to sulk and mourn all day." I replied.

"Stay strong today, I love you." He stated, kissing me on the forehead.