Unexpected Events

-go getters 7.05 (part three)-

He was with me the rest of the night as if I hadn't acted like a complete asshole before.

I woke up in the middle of the night under his arm, he was asleep. Earlier we had a long talk about stuff, I agreed I would start taking my meds again and talk to him rather than doing things to myself. It seemed easy enough in that moment. All I had to do was talk it out, it sounded so easy.

I couldn't feel much again. I wanted to feel something. But looking at him I couldn't do it; I wasn't going to betray him that fast.

I instead opted for going to the bathroom and splashing water on my face.

I quietly crept down the hall, making sure to be as quiet as possible to not wake anyone up. I opened the door as quietly as possible, the creek happening no matter how slowly I opened it, and then shutting it right behind me.

I turned on the light and immediately regretted it, turning the dimness way down.

I went in front of the sink, looking at my reflection. My black eye looked like nothing more than dirt, which matched the rest of my face perfectly. You wouldn't be able to tell I was punched by some asshole. Some asshole...

There was a bruise on my neck, actually multiple. One looked like a bruised-on necklace; the others were hickies that littered my neck. All small little things from him.

My sweatshirt was already off from the first time I woke up in the night, sweating like crazy due to Carl's warm body heat.

I couldn't look in the mirror anymore, instead re-inspecting my arm. Still there and easily visible. I wasn't even going to tempt myself by taking off the bandage on my arm. It I did I knew my knife was still in my pocket, just now in the front of my jeans.

He infected more than just my arms and neck. I wasn't a virgin anymore. I still felt gross. I still couldn't sit comfortably. I still cried about it. He was still everywhere.

He would come back eventually. In five days actually, he would be back.

My hand shook as I turned on the sink, splashing the harshly cold water onto my face, also somewhat trying to rub some of the grime off.

I didn't want to feel like this anymore. I wanted to be who I was when we first came to Alexandria, a little bitchy and fucked up but way closer to normal than this.

I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't help myself and the things that I could do I wasn't up for. I made everything so difficult for myself.

Maybe I shouldn't have used this bathroom. My body froze as soon as I saw it, his t-shirt was laying behind the toilet in a spot hard to see. It wasn't something that would've just happened when he was taking it off, he purposely did it to fuck with me.

It's one of those moments you feel like everything just stopped. It's hitting rock bottom and I've known the feeling before.

Should I be having a full on break down over a shirt? No, but it's his shirt from the night I lost myself, and that was the last thing I needed to see right now.

I felt myself going into autopilot, bracing myself against the wall with my hand over my chest, feeling my heart rate. I've never done this before; it was a new feeling of something. What happens when he comes back? Is he going to do this again? I don't know if I'd ever be able to move on from that.

Slowly my breathing came back to me, sending relief through my veins. Suffocation in a bathroom was not the way to go, even for me.

I got up and left quickly, still frantic from feeling like my lungs were collapsing, and went downstairs.

I didn't expect anyone to be up and I'm kind of glad nobody was. I was so panicky right now that the last thing I wanted was to explain to Michonne or Rick why I was up.

I went into the cupboard and grabbed a cup, filling it up with cold tap water after. I couldn't live like this. I needed some type of solution because this house was starting to be the source of my problems.

There were plenty of empty houses since a lot of people have died since we got here, maybe I could take one of those. But then there's the whole being alone thing in a house somewhat identical to this. I couldn't stay in a house fully by myself. Living alone in a car was a different story.

The other house would probably have a room open, or maybe not since everyone who either died or left was from the house I'm currently in.

I didn't need to decide yet I guess, I could think more tomorrow.

I refocused my eyes from the spot on the wall, setting my now empty cup in the sink quietly.

"What are you doing awake?" Michonne asked, she walked down the stairs in a long-sleeved undershirt and athletic shorts, or ones similar to that.

"-uh... drinking." I nodded to myself, sounded like a good enough excuse.

"Excuse me?" She asked.

Oh shit, "water. Just water." I sounded out of breath, which I was but not for a good reason of any kind.

"Hm..." She said suspiciously walking towards me. She picked up the glass in the sink, and I know I looked scared. I wish I had some kind of alcohol in the cup, then she would assume nothing more than me being a fuck up.

"Just water." I said, leaning my back against the island while she put the cup back to where I set it.

"Liam." She looked at me, "what are you up to? I know you aren't just drinking water."

"Jesus Christ, I freaked out in the bathroom because I saw his stupid fucking shirt alright?" I yelled frustratedly, stuttering on a few words. "Can you get off my ass?" I asked with narrowed eyes.

She didn't respond, just looking at me with an unreadable face.

I ran upstairs after that.

"Where were you?" Carl quizzed me once I opened the door. He was groggily sitting at the edge of his bed.

"What the fuck is with all of you being awake? It's two in the morning!" I felt stressed out over something so little I felt conflicted.

"I felt you get up, then you didn't come back so I was worried. I'll go back to sleep if thats what you want." He started to lay down...

"Wait-" I said with a sigh. He froze before sitting up again, waiting for me to join him. I sat down, letting the silence stick for an extra moment before continuing, "his shirt was in the bathroom. I freaked out and then got water, then Michonne came down and I yelled at her."

"Did she do something-"

"I was stressed out." I huffed out.

"Alright." He shook his head completely contradicting what he said before the action, then letting a small smile come over his face. "Lay down, I'll burn it or something tomorrow." He tugged a little on my arm as he went to lay down. I followed him.

"I love you." I whispered into his shoulder. He was already sleeping though.

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last part of go getters i promise.
i just wasn't feeling up to re-write scenes from an actual episode but i still felt the need to post.
so here's this short and shitty chapter