Unexpected Events

-stradivarius 9.07-

REMINDER- there's a six-year time jump from the last chapter; Liam is now around 21-22
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It got easier as time went on, or at least that's what I told myself.

It's been years since Carl died, a few less since Rick did. Negan was still being held in a cell in the basement.

Months after Rick died so heroically, she gave birth to their baby, Rj. I helped out as much as I could, also trying to help out Maggie with her baby, Hershel. Both kids were named after someone very important to them.

I didn't know what to do with myself most days, and eventually the day had come where they couldn't find me medication for my illness anywhere, and with my uncertainty of how I would feel day to day I couldn't get a real job with the others, so I got to hang out with the littles whenever I was up for it.

It wasn't a hard thing to do, and I didn't have to either, it just gave me some purpose around here.

Judith was also a lot older now, she reminded me of him in some of the best ways. She carried on the tradition of the hat, always having it on when she could. She also had the same compassion for helping others.

Enid was now a doctor alongside Siddiq, they worked well together, taking on one of the most important responsibilities there was.

Daryl wasn't really ever around, he was still out looking for some sign that Rick had died or was still living, he was in a deep state of denial along with Michonne.

Maggie ruled over Hilltop with the help of Jesus and Tara. There was still tension between Hilltop and Alexandria because of Negan being alive and well in the depths of the place. That didn't affect me living in both places part time, though sometimes I was used as a messenger.

Well Maggie used too. I didn't ask much about it but she apparently left with some people with Hershel.

One time when I was at Alexandria, I had caught Judith talking to Negan, she begged me not to tell anyone. I didn't tell anyone, though Michonne caught her not long after I did. I didn't get it at first, why would she talk to him? Then I stupidly tried it. I could barely tell he was the same person, all of that hot-headedness was gone and left him like nothing.

Either way I had a horrible habit of going down there whenever Gabriel left and just talking to him. I was incapable of making smart decisions, at least I benefitted from this one.

I don't know why I did it, or continued to do it, I guess something just can't be explained.

Anyway, he would listen, unlike a lot of people. He'd give me shitty advice, which I wouldn't use but that wasn't the point. As big of an asshole he was, he was nice to me in an odd way, just like at the sanctuary.

He somewhat reminded me of Shane, just with less seriousness.

Sometimes I'd go down there and write, as off putting the coldness of the cellar was, it wasn't bad.

Another rather new thing was hanging out with Carol and Ezekiel's son, Henry. It all depended on if he was at the Hilltop while I was or not, but we've hung out more than once.

Hilltop was weird to go to sometimes. A lot of people around my age or just a little younger were there. Some friendly, others not so much.

Enid and I had been hanging out earlier, but she eventually shied away into hanging out with Alden, the guy I couldn't tell if she was dating or just crushing hardly on.

I went back into the historical building, which was where I slept whenever I stayed here. I would typically just find an open couch and use it as a bed until going back to Alexandria where I had my own room. Music was playing as I went up the stairs, finding Jesus just laying back on the couch.

"Hey." I said, reaching the final step and then going to the couch to join him.

"Back so soon?" He asked.

"You know it. Stayin' for a few days then I'll probably go back. Anything new happen here while I was gone?" I questioned.

I got a shrug in return before Tara came up, perfectly timed. Jesus reached over and stopped the record player, turning the music off.

"Hey," he told her as he leaned back, I did the same. "What's up?"

"Got a list of people that want to talk to you." She said, gesturing to the clipboard she held.

"I'm sure you do." He said with a sigh.

"Fine. I'll just leave you to deal with it yourself." She placed the clipboard of names down onto the table in front of us.

"Very funny." Jesus remarked as she turned back to the couch, "Sit."

I got up, feeling somewhat unwelcomed. "I'll be back later." I called out to them, going down the stairs and out of the house again.

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I slept on the same green couch I had sat on earlier, listening to my cassette player with earbuds in so I wasn't snooping in on the late-night conversation on the bottom steps between Tara and Jesus.

I couldn't sleep, some nights I don't sleep at all. Until what I would assume to be a month ago, I kept my promise to Carl, not seeing anyone else. Then things got bad, I had a really bad manic episode that lasted about a week. I hooked up with some guy a few times and I don't even know who he was.

It was just frustrating, knowing that I was doing so well and then I go out of control and suddenly I couldn't keep truthful to him. I shouldn't even be happy after everything, I got him killed, I know that it's my fault he isn't here today.

I felt a tear fall down the side of my face, something that happened too much at night. I had gotten over a lot of things from the past, like almost all of it, except a few things that randomly eat at me, Carl's death was still one of them.

I lost the letter too, I felt like a complete fuck up. I can't even try to find it because it could be literally anywhere.

In so many ways I was losing him again, little by little with my stupid self.

I closed my eyes tightly after turning off the music and setting it on the coffee table. Somehow whenever I was about to go to sleep, I found another reason to wish I didn't wake up again. This reason however, seemed to be a reoccurring one.

Throughout my life, I've gone through a lot, but nothing could've prepared me for the loss of him. It's been years and I still remember that night and every thing leading up to it like it was yesterday.

If I could go back, there is so much I'd do differently. Not getting him killed would be high on my list. Finding a way to keep my dad alive and somewhat sane would be something too.

But I can't go back in time, I'm stuck living the treacherous life I've built myself; or maybe I didn't have to be.

Every little thing I do could domino effect into another, sleeping right now or staying up.

Life was strange, a million little events all stuck together unexpectedly, creating a persons life.

Thinking at night always did me no good, just leading me further into self pity and regret. I deserved every bit of it though. I was a shit person, who did shitty things.

I just wish he was here.

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what do i even say after finishing a story??
thank you to everyone who read this, voted, and/or commented<3
also thank you for 11k reads, i never expected this to get that many.

stay tuned for any new works of mine, i'm currently working on a new one 🫢