Unexpected Events

-go getters 7.05-

TW: self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and mentions of rape

I woke up slouched against a wall, my head pounding. I had no memory of how and why I was here; in a treehouse that was very much not in Alexandria.

I shivered, my body adjusting to the crisp morning air. My hoodie wasn't anywhere to be seen, leaving me in my green-tee and black sweatpants. I looked at my arm, seeing the print still there. I chewed at my lip at the memory scarred into my brain.

Blood must've started to seep through the bandage around my wrist, patches of dried blood visible. The pain of yesterday slowly started to flow back in through my veins.

My head pounded when I jumped down from the ladder on the tree. I was starving and the multiple walkers inside and pounding at the glass door of the house made it so I couldn't search for an expired breakfast in there. The only weapon I had were the small scissors, which were practically pointless because they were so tiny, I couldn't even hold them in the proper way I would need to if I stabbed a walker in the head. My pocketknife must've been in my hoodie or jacket, neither of which I had brought apparently.

I followed my trail of footsteps back to the gates of Alexandria, thanks to Daryl for giving me tracking lessons a few times before that all happened.

I wondered where he was, how it was there. He could be dead and we wouldn't know.

Rosita was on watch up on the watch platform. She didn't see me at first, but when she did her hard and pained expression turned to confusion.

"Hey..." I mumbled akwardly.

"What are you doing out there?" She asked, her arms crossed as normal.

"Long story. Could you let me in maybe?" I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to soothe the tenseness.

She stared blankly at me for a moment before I saw her climb down. Nobody must've known about anything from yesterday... good.

"Thank you." I said as I walked in, not trying to converse on why I wasn't on the inside from the get-go.

"...yeah." She studied me questionably before returning to her watch spot.

I walked cautiously, making sure to be on the lookout for any Grimes' and Michonne. Carl probably told them about my blowing up last night, and I did not have the energy for that.

I went into the house not infected with my ex's family and laid down on the couch.

I knew that I would have to go back to the other house eventually to at least get my stuff but now that I was out, I didn't want to go back. Not only did the thing happen there, but I also couldn't face Carl after the way I acted. I never deserved him; he was always too nice or understanding.

I fucked everything up and I had to live with it, even though I didn't want to. I've thought plenty of times about just grabbing a gun and doing it, recently that seems to be the only thing to cross my mind.

I seriously regret not forcing Negan to hit me instead of Glenn. Maybe things would've been better that way. Maggie would get to start a family with Glenn, it wouldn't take long to get over my death anyway, I cause more problems than I solve.

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"What are you doing?" I questioned as I walked into the pantry, Enid was filling up a backpack with supplies.

Her head whipped around to look at me with a jump, calming when she saw it was only me. "Going to hilltop to see Maggie."

"Who's driving?" I asked as I stood next to her by the table. The pantry was scarily empty so she wasn't bringing much.