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What Did You Bring Me? (Song)

Rupret, in my mind, has a sing-songy, upper-crusty, English-accented voice. Sort of jolly, one minute, and slightly menacing the next. This song he sings about acceptable food bribes would begin after he says, "Which brings us back to food." It's only Rupret singing, but some of the dialogue spoken by Danny and Francis during the song-less version of the scene would still be spoken between verses, so I'm going to repeat it here.

RUPRET: What did you bring me? What did you bring me?

It's been hours since I've eaten and I'm positively starving!

What did you bring me? What did you bring me?

I'd compensate you – no, I wouldn't

I simply haven't got a farthing.

If there's something that you'd like to give

And think that I might want it

I'd be happy to accept

P.S. Your lives depend on it

So sing me, what did you bring me?

You'd better hurry up. Yum, yum!

(Spoken)

DANNY: Gee, we haven't got anything on us.

RUPRET: Oh dear. Then I'm afraid I can't help you.

FRANCIS: What do you want?

RUPRET: Oh, just a small trifle, really. A big one with lots of layers would be better of course, but whatever you can scrounge up. Bear in mind I've got enough vegetables. The villagers keep bringing them to Fred to give to me, though not asparagus anymore. This creek runs right into their wells, see.

FRANCIS: I do see. Then what?

(Singing)

RUPRET: Something salty, something sweet, any sort of treat

It shouldn't be more difficult than needs be

Something pungent, something spicy, but not too hard to digest

I'd hate to have to bite the hands that feed me.

I do prefer organic

Honey that's straight from the hive

Remember please don't panic

And we'll all get out alive

And fed and fat and stuffed and that is how I'm satisfied

So sing me, what will you bring me?

You'd better hurry up. Yum, yum!

(Spoken)

DANNY: Do you ever eat the villagers?

RUPERT: Wouldn't be very sporting of me to eat the delivery boys, now would it? But they've got to keep up their end. One good sulphuric sneeze over my washbasin and local fish is a fond memory. I don't like fish. You should write that down.

(Singing)

Now what should you bring me? What should the thing be?

Bribes are always better with a pinch of salt and pepper

I like meats lean, but not too stringy

If you're thinking Shepherd's Pie might I suggest you hold the shepherd

A bucket of bones, a barrel of soup

I love to crunch and slurp

And you can tell when you've done well

Because I'll always burp

Just give me pots and more and lots

And nobody gets hurt

So, sing me. What will you bring me?

You'd better hurry up. Yum, yum.

(Spoken)

DANNY: Look, we travelled light, and Fred keeps a pretty tight inventory. If we could only follow those princesses now, we could claim our reward and then –

RUPRET: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blahbbety-blah, I've heard it all before

(Singing)

Oh, no time for how-are-you-s or where're-you-froms

Just get to 'Look out, stomach! Here it comes!'

All this talk of tender vittles brings a tickle to my tongue

It wants to lick my sticky lizard fingers one-by-one

I'm not asking for your finest fare, but if you have the choice

A little butter here and there makes everything so moist

(Spoken)

DANNY AND FRANCIS: Eww!

RUPRET: If you want to leave this lair from there,

Then listen to my voice

(Singing)

A dragon's gotta eat, by that I mean tout de suite

You'd better hurry up. Yum, Yum!

Rupret is really expressive, so I'm sure he'd to a little dancing, a lot of finger wiggling, lip licking, and tummy patting, lol. At the end of the song, the scene would pick up with Danny saying, "If we knew we were coming, we'd have baked a cake."

*Jan 26th, 2023

Hello to all of you with me so far!

Just wanted to mention that for years – and I mean years! – Rupret's name was Dudley. I named him after Cary Grant's angel in The Bishop's Wife, but I only found out recently that there was a children's show named Dudley the Dragon, so I had to change it. Don't you hate when that happens?? It breaks my heart a little bit, but there's coincidence and then there's too close for comfort, you know?

Anyhoo, feel free to let me know if you're digging this♡ See you guys in a few weeks for cake!

Steff xo