A Single Moment of Sincerity

five.

WARPED TOUR 2011 - SHAKOPEE, MINNESOTA

No one would talk to me. I was sitting in our bus, waiting for it to be time for us to perform. My band was around me, but they weren't even talking to me. They were having their own conversations, excluding me completely. I didn't even blame them. I would've hated me too. I was a really shitty person during this time, truly.

After my explosion, Chris wouldn't even acknowledge me. He would send me a hurt glance every now and then, but he didn't say a single word to me otherwise. The medics helped him to his bus, making sure he didn't have any more injuries. Mason and Ryan went after him. Michael returned to our own bus, without even a word to me. Cameron and Ben were the only ones who hung around to comfort me.

"It's going to be alright, Bailey," Ben said, rubbing my back slowly. I didn't believe him. "Just take some time to yourself, okay? Then you can apologize to Chris, or Danny, or whoever." All I could do was nod between sobs. Cameron, who was standing in front of me, leaned down to my level.

"Danny's going to be fine, too. He's just a big baby at the end of the day. We'll keep an eye on him. Don't worry." His voice had a certain sweetness to it. I didn't know Cam too well, but he had always been so nice to me when we did interact. It tugged at my heart that he would try to comfort me despite my attack on his band member not even five minutes before, despite the fact we weren't that close. I didn't deserve any of these guys being my friend.

"C'mon, B, stand up. Let's get you back to the tour bus." Ben wrapped his arms around me, helping me to stand. I couldn't stop crying. We started walking, taking the back ways around the venue, hoping to avoid fans as much as possible. I leaned against him the entire walk, not able to stop the tears. I felt like such a loser. When we finally arrived, they led me in and let me collapse at the table. Ben once again tried to tell me it'd be all okay, but I couldn't even respond. The two then said goodbye and left.

Now, here I was, surrounded by my friends who hated me.

"It's time," Kimmie yelled into the bus and we all piled out. Again, I was completely ignored. It hurt more and more as the seconds went on, but I didn't blame them. I had embarrassed them, Chris, Ben, Danny, Cameron, and myself. Kimmie spoke to me, but only to remind me of what had to be done before we got on stage. There were screaming fans everywhere. We were just on as Hellogoodbye played their last show of the tour. I felt nervous to go after him, especially since I didn't feel anywhere as good as. I didn't feel as good as anyone on this tour, especially now. I was almost certain word had gotten around to other bands about what had happened. I was becoming paranoid that I was the laughing stock of the whole tour, even this early on. When the fans saw the bruise Danny left on Chris' face, people would absolutely start asking what had happened to him.

The actual performance was a blur. The two guys who I had grown accustomed to standing off to the side, watching, were no where to be seen. At our last song, Ben appeared, holding a half drunk beer. He didn't seem happy or sad, but just somewhere in between. I wondered why he was there at all. Didn't Danny hate me? Why would his friend come and support us? Maybe it was for the other guys, not me. I was being selfish.

"Bailey," he called out to me, once we had all got off stage and put our equipment away. I wandered over to him. "Let's talk."

I followed him to the side, where it was quieter and there wasn't as many people around. I didn't say anything, just let him talk.

"I was chatting with Taylor from Never Shout, and uh, I think you need to go and apologize to Chris." I nodded. I hadn't wanted to bother Chris, so I avoided even the thought of speaking to him at all. "It sounds like he's pretty bad. I really, well, yeah, think you should go talk to him."