A Single Moment of Sincerity

twelve.

WARPED TOUR 2013 - AUBURN, WASHINGTON

Time was frozen still all around me. What was probably seconds felt like an eternity. There he was, standing in front of me, his sunglasses covering his eyes, tattoos all over his face, an unopened beer in his hand. His hair was much shorter as well. He looked so different, but it was definitely him. Well, I suppose I looked different too. I wasn't so sickly skinny, and I had gotten more tattoos as well, though not on my face. I cut my bangs different and shortened my hair. I also didn't dye it an obnoxious black anymore. We were different people, standing there remembering a different time. He said my name and I said his back, then silence engulfed us once more.

I didn't have time to think, all I felt were my feet moving toward him. He mimicked my actions. All my brain was thinking was about him. Any anxiety I thought I would feel if I ran into him was no where to be found. He was there, smiling at me, and then embracing me.

"How have you been?" He spoke with a small chuckle. His voice was like music. We pulled apart, but he kept one hand on my arm. Christofer Drew, my one true addiction.

It wasn't like I didn't love John, but looking back on the two years I had stayed away from Warped Tour, at the end of the day, the guy I thought of the most was Chris. Of course, Ben was the last person I really saw who was involved with me. I had told him I loved him, which I did, at the time, but I was denying my true feelings to myself. Chris had been the one I wished I had treated differently.

When I did my program after I left rehab, I contacted Ben and we talked over the phone. He told me about his life and I apologized, genuinely, to him, about everything. As usual, he was open and understanding and just an amazing guy. At that point, my love for him had turned completely platonic, and truthfully, it probably was that way the entire time. He mentioned to me that he was seeing someone, which I was so excited about. Had Chris told me that, I would have been instantly jealous.

Ugh, no. My selfishness was still lingering in my head, but it was less because of the alcohol or drugs and now, more because I regretted my past actions. I wanted to make it up to him. I hadn't reached out to Chris during my program, because I truly believed that he didn't want anything to do with me, but here he was, smiling and touching me. Maybe I should have.

"I've been doing really well. How have you been? I heard you're releasing a new album soon. I'm super excited," I beamed, gushing. We talked as if no time had passed at all, and all the misery we experienced didn't actually happen.

"Thank you, Bailey. I really liked what you guys did on your new album. Sounded so great." I was touched he still decided to listen to our music. He ran his hand up and down my arm for a split second before pulling it away, almost embarrassed with himself, it seemed. I could feel a slight blush creeping up onto my cheeks. What was this I was feeling?

"You look really good, Chris. I'm so glad I ran into you."

"Want to come and get lunch with me?" He asked, suddenly, almost milliseconds after I had finished my sentence. It hardly took me that long to agree to it. "Let me stop by my bus and grab my wallet and we can wander around a bit, find something yummy."

So, we started walking and chatting. It was so easy. The conversation felt a lot more mature, a lot more put together than when we had interacted in the past. I liked it, a lot. While we walked, I couldn't help but keep trying to sneak glances at him. He really did look so good, it was almost unbelievable. He still just wore sandals everywhere and he still had his carefree aura about him, but now, we were both adults. Before, we had just been young and stupid. It was amazing what two years of hardship could do to a person. So much had happened. Caleb had left Never Shout Never. Michael got married, which was so insane. Ryan had started a solo side project and was planning on releasing music in the next year as well. So damn much.