A Single Moment of Sincerity

seven.

WARPED TOUR 2011 - HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT

A ticking time bomb. That's what this tour was. Everyday, every single show, just got us closer and closer to the explosion. None of us knew it then, but we all kind of assumed something crazy was going to happen.

It was funny, really. We'd all stand around and have interviews where we laughed and joked and talked about how much fun it was. To a random person watching, it must've looked like a grand old time. All the hottest people and bands right then in that moment were together, touring and fucking around with each other. Your favorite bands are probably really good friends, right? Sure, but things were boiling under the nice covers.

My alcohol problem was growing worse and worse as the days and weeks went on. Once back in America, once back with Chris, we started feeding off of each other. He was deep into drugs and I was deep into drinks. Yeah, the partying wasn't anywhere near as explicit as the partying was with Asking Alexandria, but it was a different kind of intoxication. A more laid back, but just as bad kind of intoxication. I was cross faded almost immediately getting back into America. It felt good at the time, but looking back, I have to wonder what I was dealing with mentally to have to constantly be under some kind of influence? My friends were no better.

I loved being back with Chris, though, and that was the most important thing I cared about. I loved being near him and hearing him talk and watching him laugh. Everything about him was a drug of its own. I wanted to be stuck to him twenty-four-seven, but I doubted he wanted that. He seemed so sad, honestly. Sad like he was holding on for something, but wanted to let go and just fall. He talked a lot about going home and just working on his music with his band. To him, that was heaven. They were working on a new album, but he seemed distracted every time we were alone. We'd make-out, have sex, eat or smoke, but as close as he was physically, he was mentally somewhere else. I didn't know how to help him.

Then, there was Ben and Danny. Right after we got back, on the next leg of the tour, Ben got so piss drunk he busted up the television in his tour bus, smashed more stuff around him, and caused a huge mess. I heard this from Michael who had heard it from James. I was shocked learning this. I knew the drinking was bad in that band, but I didn't realize it was so bad for Ben. Apparently, they just got a new television and everything was fine—they laughed it off. I was worried, for them all, though. I also heard Ben was sleeping with girls left and right. It seemed so out of character from the Ben I actually knew, or I thought I knew. He presented himself as so caring and sweet, but apparently, that Ben was hiding a lot of dark stuff. I didn't know him too well, at least not at first, but the three years I did know him, I had never heard of that side of him. I did know he was popular with the girls, but he never mentioned any of that around me. Danny, on the other hand, would always talk about his other lays. I didn't really care all that much, just as long as he was being safe.

Ben and I had really bonded over the couple days in Canada. Would that Ben really get that violent when drunk? I had seen him drunk before, so what the hell was that? Chris and I got drunk, but he was a chill, funny drunk. Danny and I would get drunk, but all he did was jump around and be wild. When I saw Ben drunk, he was also wild, but a much quieter, egging Danny on kind of drunk. When I got drunk, well, you know. Ugh, everyone was falling apart. That tour was killing us.

By the time we were in Milwaukee, only the second show back in the states, things had started to unravel right before us.

"Bailey," I heard someone shout. I was laying in the lounge, scrolling through social media on my phone. I looked over as Ryan pulled open the door, breathing heavy. He must have run a long way to reach me. I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"What's up, Ry?" He took a moment to catch his breath. He flopped down beside me as I sat up, looking at him. Obviously something was really important.