A Single Moment of Sincerity

sixteen.

warning: sex scene.

WARPED TOUR 2013 - LAS CRUCES, NEW MEXICO; THREE DAYS LATER

As much as I wanted off that tour at that point, my story with Chris wasn't even remotely near finished. Not to mention, the tour was barely over either. I had hardly comprehended what had happened in the past three days, but I had gotten through it without much trouble.

After the fight with Ben, I woke up the next morning with a banging headache. I was thankful we would just be traveling that whole day, so I wouldn't have to perform through a hangover, but I was worried about the response from my band members about the night before. They would be upset with me, no doubt.

Oddly enough, none of them brought anything up. They all just sat around, talking with me, like there was nothing wrong, nothing seriously wrong with me. I was suspicious, because I didn't believe for a second that any of them were that oblivious or stupid, but I tried my hardest to seem normal. That was hard for me, as my whole life was a mess again and again. Guilt was starting to become my constant partner again, and I worried that I would fall into the same mistakes I had previously.

Alcoholism isn't a fun experience, obviously, but it's especially bad watching it hurt those around you and not being able to control yourself. My head was getting there, once more. I needed to stop it, but I didn't know how.

Chris had texted me the next morning, too, asking how it went. I didn't lie to him, so I told him that I had fun and that, unfortunately, I had fought with Ben. When he asked why, I just said that we were both drunk and arguing over past experiences. I couldn't continue to lie to him and luckily, he seemed fine with all that. Was my life getting better? I needed it to, and it seemed like maybe it was heading in that direction. I spent the almost fourteen hour drive from Ventura to Las Cruses mostly on the phone with Chris, chatting about nothing and everything. Why was he so easy to talk to? It was almost a dream that had come true. Well, actually, yeah, it was a dream that had come true.

If I had told my middle school or high school self that I would be talking to Christofer Drew as friends, and maybe more than, she would have told me that I was lying. She definitely wouldn't believe that we had slept together. I barely believed it then.

Las Cruces was a nice little city, on the edge of a giant desert. It was hot, always hot, and exhausting. Watching the fans run around outside, I felt sorry for them. The stages were at the local college's sports fields, which was definitely an interesting choice. When we had played it in 2011, I remembered thinking the same thing.

I had decided, before our show, along with Ryan, to go walk around and talk to fans. It was fun. Quite a big number of fans came over to us to talk or get pictures with us. We even signed a few shirts, or CDs, or even, surprisingly, arms. One guy, probably in his late teens, was so excited to meet us, but didn't bring anything we could sign, so asked us to sign his arm. As someone who had never done that before, I immediately took the chance. That would absolutely be something to brag about in the future.

"It's almost fucking one hundred degrees out here right now," Ryan complained, after checking the weather on his phone. Yeah, it was hot as shit. We were both sweating like crazy, and we hadn't even performed yet. Our time had been moved back, as one of the other bands wanted to play early so they could get on the road sooner. We offered to take their spot, so it worked out in the end. I had no idea why they wanted to get out so quickly, but I was starting to think it might have been because of the weather. It'd be cooler in the earlier hours, and when it was our time to play, it was sweltering.

I worried that people would get sick, but we stayed hydrated and tried to limit our time outside. Either way, it was not fun.