A Single Moment of Sincerity

fifteen.

WARPED TOUR 2013 - VENTURA, CALIFORNIA

"Oh, no! Where's my band?" The last thing I remember was opening my eyes, and seeing my own vomit on the ground in front of me. I was standing to the side of the club, in a small little alleyway, throwing up what felt more like acid than it did anything else. I could hear light music and feel the pumping bass coming from inside, but my vision was spinning. After not drinking for so long, hitting that much alcohol all at once wasn't a very good idea. Unfortunately, that thought didn't cross my mind at all in that moment. The thought that did cross my mind was wondering what my next drink would be, because of course, to fix the sickness, you have to hide it behind more liquor.

Either way, I was standing out there alone, and didn't know where any of my friends were. Looking for my band was for two reasons: one was that I didn't want to get lost without them, and two was that I didn't want them to see me this drunk. They were proud of me for staying sober, so it was a game of cat and mouse, trying to hide my drinking from them that night. I also wondered where the Asking Alexandria guys were. They wouldn't have gone back without saying goodbye to me, right?

I stumbled back to the entrance of the club, leaning against the brick wall on the way there. The bouncer gave me a wary stare, but let me back in after I showed him my ID again. The lights inside the club were flashing fast and bright, and I could barely see enough to make my way to the bar. I did get there, but I was shaky and nervous about if I could keep myself up. I really had no idea how much I had drank.

"There you are," I heard someone say from in front of me. I looked toward the source and met eyes with Danny. Was he looking for me? "Everyone's been worried."

"Sorry," I got out, though slurring. "Had to go throw up."

"I'll get Ben," Danny said and started to walk away. I grabbed his arm before he could. I could feel a different kind of vomit coming up my throat.

"Wait, hold on. I need to say something to you." It was hard to hear myself, much less him through all the music, but I just kept talking anyway. He didn't interject or say anything back, just watched me as I rambled to him. "I'm really sorry, like incredibly sorry, for everything I did back then. I was a selfish, idiotic jerk and just did what I wanted to do, which was mostly drink and mess around with people. I know I hurt you a lot, and trust me, I feel miserable about it. I'm sorry." I hoped he understood what I said, because even though the words made sense in my head, getting them out was a bit tougher. My eyes were also unable to focus and they were half closed, so it wasn't like I was in the best shape to be making an apology. I just needed to do it, so it came out right then. Beside, who knew when or if I would have gotten a chance again? Danny stood there in silence for a little while, watching me, not moving from my rather tight grip on his wrist.

"I appreciate it," he finally replied. I could barely make it out, but I swore that I could see a small smile on his lips. He reached out his free arm and patted me on the head a couple times. "Now, can you let go of my arm? I'm going to get Ben." I nodded, pulling back my hand quickly. He gave me a disappointed chuckle, then disappeared into the crowd. I turned to the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice me and so I could get another drink. I just got a beer, knowing it wasn't too strong, so I wouldn't have to worry about getting that much more drunk. Turning to watch the crowd, I couldn't make out too much, but I didn't see any of my band members anywhere. Checking my phone, none of them had texted me either. Maybe they were still hanging out and weren't worried about me, and I was just working myself up for no reason. Yeah, that's all.

Suddenly, though, Ben was walking up to me. He had a kind of annoyed look on his face, so I immediately braced myself for an argument.

"Am I going to be taking care of you again tonight?" He said after he leaned down close to my ear. He didn't speak very loudly, with a kind of breathy tone, but he was so close that I could make out everything he said. I shivered. He was too close.