Blood I've Spilt

Cursing

Don't know when I've been so blue

Don't know what's come over you

You've found someone new

And don't it make my brown eyes blue

I'll be fine when you're gone

I'll just cry all night long

Say it isn't true

And don't it make my brown eyes blue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quinn's POV

Astronomy the next day was horrendous. I had only received two hours of sleep last night. It gave me time to ponder. I allowed my thoughts to absorb me more than I wished, making me more upset than I already was. It also didn't help knowing that Malfoy was sitting next to me. I could feel the tense aura from him. As if his eyes sharply glanced at me every couple of seconds.

We were all at desks facing the front of the classroom. Sinistra advised we sit with our groups whilst others presented. In a row near the back sat Ace, Blaise, Draco and me; in that order. Although, it was sort of my fault we ended up like this. I was the last to arrive at this class and I didn't want to speak up to ask them to move. Ace had no idea what happened, Blaise might but who knows, and I was not going to talk to Draco. Maybe I wasn't prepared for the quizzical looks or the questions; I was trying to avoid them for as long as possible. I felt different, too. Less vibrant and more held back.

The students at the front were speaking about a certain constellation that I had heard numerous times in the past but never actually took the time to understand anything about it. It was Camilla, Seamus Finnigan, a Slytherin girl that I had never seen with long blonde hair, and a very tall and pudgy boy who also belonged to Slytherin. This was one of the only classes that was shared amongst 3 of the houses.

I slowly let my mind drift, still keeping my posture stiff and my eyes forward. The presentation was quite boring; my attention span is rather short so that could also be why I'd let my thoughts wonder.

"Oi-" the voice whispered beside me. I scowled but kept my eyes averted to the front. There was no way I was going to just give in. "Smedley," Draco quickly muttered. Taking in consideration that I was still very much upset, I didn't budge. That wasn't going to stop Malfoy, though. I knew that.

"Don't be so upset about this," He started off. If he was trying to apologise, he wasn't very good at it. I was sure he wasn't one to say sorry that much. "-okay? You never gave me the chance to explain," he continued. Ignore him, Ignore him, Ignore him.

I tutted and clasped my hands very tightly under the table. Just by the tingly and contrasting temperature feeling, I could tell they were white. I wasn't exactly sure what the point of this was. It could be anger, impatience, anxiety, or maybe even anticipation. Was it possible I was looking for something he was going to say that would make me feel better? He may have a point, I did yell in his face and storm away before he could explain himself. But I just couldn't think! I'd never trusted boys besides my brothers and when I do, this happens. Either I'm unlucky or karma is coming back to bite me. For what? God, I can never be too sure about that. After moments of silence with no reply, Draco sighed in annoyance.

As if he has any right to be annoyed.

"Look. I talked to Parkinson. What she said was true. But that wasn't the whole story," He muttered with a type of urgency lurking in his tone. "Yes, that was the original plan. But, listen-" he paused for a moment and rubbed his eyes with one hand. Just by the sound of his voice and the few glances I'd given when he wasn't paying attention, I could tell he hadn't got any more sleep than I had.

"I had forgotten about it. I had scratched the plan because I found myself actually enjoying the time I had been getting with you. Mainly in class. I-" He stopped mid sentence as if he hadn't come up with what to say next. "Quinn- say something..." he whispered.

I let my eyes fall to the table. I studied every crease and knot in the wooden desk. It had been seconds after his last words and I still hadn't said a thing. What was I supposed to say? He lied to me before, how can I be sure if he's doing it again?

"Oh for fucks sake," He muttered sharply under his breath, turning away from me. His tone made everything worse. As if I should feel bad about the whole thing. If he was going to invalidate my feelings then I had every right to do the same. I have to admit, I might be acting petty about this or even childish. But I didn't know how not to be. I was stubborn- like my mother. I grimaced slightly at my own thoughts. It was a habit to compare myself to her; Liam keeps telling me to stop. "No need to be an asshole and ignore me."

I turned to him and furrowed my brow. I'm the asshole?!

"You just don't get it do you," I finally whispered. It was louder than intended but in my defence, it was hard to be quiet when you were as angry as I was. Draco furrowed his brow in such a way that made me wonder if it was in confusion or just a scowl. I cleared my throat, my expression flat. "I actually liked you, Malfoy. And you made me feel like a second option. Even worse, an object you could just use."

"I know, I know. I'm asking for another chance, I'm new at thi-" I cut that bastard off.

"Why should I? I'm new at this, too. Doesn't mean I went and paraded to my friends with a stupid plan," I considered leaving it at that. Sadly, the Slytherin wasn't done.

"Can't you see my side?" He muttered. It was sharp and rude. What a prick? His cold hand reached to grab mine but I snatched it away.

"Don't touch me," I stated firmly. It was a bit loud and a few heads turned to look. I pretended not to care.

"No need to get snippy," he remarked bitterly. I frowned.

"Yes. There is a need because you won't leave me alone." I was embarrassed now because even the teacher looked at me with a warning look. I lowered my head. I didn't need to be in trouble right now.

"Well you won't listen," he retorted, his fist clenching against the table.

"You're being a prick, you know that?" I replied with a sniff. However, we both went pale when Sinistra made her long and smooth strides towards us. Her tall figure towered over me; only me. Well shit. I felt in my gut that I was the one who would get the consequence. I was being louder after all.

"Headmaster's office. Now." She bellowed with her hands behind her back. It meant she was holding her teaching stick when she stood this way and talked with that tone.

"But Dumbledore isn't here. He still hasn't returned," I mumbled timidly. It was true, Dumbledore had left and no one had seen him since. It was frightening, even though I never seemed to like him very much.

"Dumbledore-" she paused, her eyes pointed at me. "Isn't the headmaster anymore. Umbridge's office. Now," I flinched when her stick came slamming down on the table in front of me. The murmurs from around the room had stopped and the 3 boys next to me had frozen completely.

The chair screeched against the hardwood floor whilst I stood. This was humiliating.

"I'll send a letter her way. I'll let her know that you: disrupted my class, interrupted these poor student's presentation, insulted another student, and cursed louder than you probably intended, is that right?" She listed off the things I'd done in such a short time, I stood in shock in the aisle near my desk and stared at her with fright. Getting yelled at for something so small made me nervous. Sinistra reminded me of my mother in some ways but honestly not as bad. My mother was a monster.

***

Alright, Ms. Smedley-" Umbridge grinned quaintly as I settled into the small desk she had provided. "I want you to write sentences for me." Her voice was shrill and brittle. I tapped my finger against my thigh and impatiently waited. I did not have a quill, hoping she had one. After a moment of her slowly bringing a quill in front of me, she opened her mouth to speak. I beat her to it, accidentally.

"Uhm...ink?" I muttered.

"Oh you won't be needing that. The quill does not require it-" she cleared her throat in the most disgustingly high pitched way.

"Now, I want you to write: 'I must not disrupt or curse'," she instructed simply. The short woman stood next to the desk with her hands behind her back. She was grinning in such a way that looked a bit mad. I nodded slowly and picked up the quill. After moments of hovering over the page and repeating the sentence in my head, I began to write.

I must not disrupt or curse. I must no-

The back of my hand that was holding the parchment in place began to itch. I shrugged it off as just an everyday thing and continued. It didn't matter.

I must not disrupt or curse. I must not di-

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end; my hand started to burn. It must be a rash. I had never thought I'd be allergic to cats. I also had never thought that this woman would have so many plates with different types either. Her office gave me the creeps.

I must not disrupt or-

I had to look twice before I realised that the burning and sharp piercing in my hand was, in fact, the words on the page carving its way into my skin slowly and painstakingly. It hurt so bad that I couldn't react. This was a terrible way to discipline kids. Was she the only one who was suffering from this? My eyes swelled with salty tears at the tenseness of my hand and the final word deeply severing into my skin.

-curse

I stared at my hand in pain. I was baffled and nervous about this. It felt the same as when you cut up food and your hand slips, slicing your finger open. Definitely, not a good feeling.

"Alright, I think that's enough," she said with pride.

***

I couldn't stop looking at it, no matter how much it pained me. I held my hand close to me with my opposite hand tightly wrapped around my wrist. As if it'd stop hurting if I did; it didn't. My eyes had watered but I pushed the tears back. I had done too much crying for the time being.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks for reading <3

-Ty

(Song at beginning: 'Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue' by Crystal Gayle)