I feel like I have no soul.
I watch
And
I wait.
Wait for just a taste of happiness.
But happiness is elusive.
Just when I feel like I have it within my grasp-
It escapes.
And I let it.
My soul is stained, heavy with pain.
My mind tries to wash it away.
My mind is a fortress, a labyrinth with twisted turns. Corners and crevices that are covered by a thick layer of stone:
Untouched,
Unreachable,
And cold.
It protects my heart - telling it who to trust, who to believe, who might deceive.
My heart is in a cage.
Forever out of reach to those who might feel the need to seek.
And no matter how hard my mind tries and how hard it strives;
To be cold and calculating and calm,
To be unfazed and unbothered and unattainable.
My heart is weak.
It's meek and feeble and fragile.
My mind demands a stoic nature but my heart craves the loving nurture.
It presses and pushes and pleads.
It rattles and clatters and clangs.
It goes insane.
It hurts and aches.
It's saddened and devastated.
It hates the reality that my mind's created.
I feel like I have no soul.
With happiness that feels so out of reach.
With my mind's need for control and constraint.
With my heart out of commission.
I am but an empty husk, someone that is not allowed an opinion.
Happiness is elusive.
It escapes.
And I let it.
